The Military Diet Experiment

In a couple of months, we're going on a cruise and as you do, I looked in the mirror the other day and thought “Blimey, I need to go on a diet!”  I’m not sure I actually do, but I feel and look heavier than I feel comfortable with.  Probably because of married bliss and eating a lot of chocolate, to be honest.

Anyway, I decided I needed to do something that wasn’t Weight Watchers because quite honestly, I don’t want to pay to diet.  It’s bad enough starving yourself, let alone paying for the privilege.

After doing my research (i.e. scrolling through Facebook) one diet in particular caught my eye – The Three Day Military Diet.  Sounds a bit strict, although the gossip was that you could would lose 10 pounds in three days!  Sign me up….. Okay, I actually didn’t have to sign up because its something you do on your own, although there is a menu you have to stick to religiously, or militarily if you prefer. Three days?  How easy is that, I thought.  No problem, I can do three days….

You don't have to wear the uniform, by the way

DAY ONE

Breakfast

You’re not supposed to substitute anything unless it’s on their list, but I only decided to do this after I'd eaten breakfast and I'd already had a glass of orange juice and some toast, so I skipped the grapefruit and had a cup of tea and a spoonful of hummus instead.  Let me just say right here, hummus on its own is bloody awful.  I had substituted it for peanut butter because, well, eww..  

Lunch

This wasn’t bad.  A nice cuppa and some tuna on toast.  Although, the tuna would have been better with a dollop of dressing because it was as dry as the Serengeti in a heatwave.  Thank goodness for the tea.

Dinner

I could get used to this as it seems like a lot of food.  I had chicken with the green beans and then enjoyed the ice cream with the fruit.  I was a bit stuffed actually.

DAY TWO

Breakfast

Uh oh, the portions are getting smaller.  But when I’m at work I don’t usually eat breakfast so having a boiled egg on toast was a bit of a luxury really.  It kept me full until lunch anyway.

Lunch

Bloody hell, another hard boiled egg.  I’m sure my co-workers loved me that day.  [I never did admit it was my stinky eggs smelling up the kitchen] I substituted Greek yoghurt instead of cottage cheese. [what, even, the hell is that stuff??]  The five tiny saltine crackers went well with the egg though.  I actually couldn’t eat all of the yoghurt, maybe because it was sitting in my stomach like, well I don’t know what it was like, I’ve never eaten that much Greek yoghurt in my life and a cup is a LOT.

Dinner

This one looks small, but it wasn’t actually bad.  I cut everything up into slices and had as much broccoli and carrots as I could fit into a cup (not much, by the way).  The hotdogs gave some flavour. And then there was at least ice cream for pudding.

DAY THREE

Yes, actually, that is a wine stain on my menu

Breakfast
Again, this was a bit of a treat having breakfast.  But then again, maybe I was just starving by then.

Lunch
Yes, another hard boiled egg, but this time only with a dry slice of toast.  Yummy (sarcasm added)

A quick aside here:

I had been weighing myself daily – yes for all of two days – and the weight was falling off.  Okay, I lied, after starving myself for two day I had lost 2 pounds.  Yes, you did read that right, TWO WHOLE BLOODY POUNDS!!  

Dinner

Soooo, I may have cheated a little bit because, well, who can live on half a tin of dry tuna, half a banana and a bit of ice cream.  So I made myself some Thai curry with rice and papadums and a huge glass of wine.  (I know papadums  don’t go with Thai food, don’t judge me I was starving, okay). I may also have had a packet of crisps, a hotdog bun and possibly some chocolate, not necessarily in that order.

I went to bed that night fuller than I had in three days and when I woke up the next morning, I was really surprised not to find 8 pounds of fat in the bed next to me because according to this diet plan you will lose 10 pounds.  I jumped onto the scale and yes I had still only lost 2 pounds.  Actually, I hadn’t lost anything because I put it all back on in that one meal the night before. [*sigh*]

So the moral of this story is that unless you constantly eat and gain weight every day, don’t do the Military Diet, it does not flamin’ work.  I followed it to a “T” and all I got was starving hungry.

I just suffered for three two and a half days and lost about the same amount as if I’d just had a big pooh!!

Wedding Traditions - UK v. USA

I know I’ve been beating this topic to death recently, but I promise this will be the last mention of weddings… no, really, it will.

I recently came across an infographic showing the differences between American and English weddings.  I hadn’t really thought too much about it while planning my own, I just knew what I wanted and, well, went for it.

Starting at the beginning:

The Engagement:

In the United Kingdom, apparently the average length of an engagement is between 16 months and 2 years.  In America, it’s only 13 to 18 months.  Personally, mine was about 6 or 7 years!  We Brits like to make sure we’ve got it right, I think.  

Just after I was engaged, I was constantly asked “So, when’s the big day?” and I didn’t have an answer.  Just because you’re engaged, in my opinion, doesn’t mean you have to rush off down the aisle.  I’ve worked with people who have been engaged and married within a year.  As soon as that ring passed the knuckle, the cash register started ringing and there was no holding back.  

The Cost:

According to a survey by The Wedding Secret, the average cost of a wedding in England is £21,000 [$27,300].  Quite pricey.  In the USA the average is $32,641.

Note:  This is the average price - I've seen quite a few that have cost a whole lot more!

[I would like take this moment to point out to my hubby that he got a bargain and I am rather thrifty, contrary to what he may believe.]

PRE-PRE-WEDDING

Ahh, the fancy named “Bridal Shower” where basically you invite as many people as you can to your house (or some other lush location) and ask them to bring presents.  Usually, its just women who go to these things.  I’ve never been to one myself, but apparently weird games are played which may involve wrapping the bride-to-be in toilet roll to make a wedding dress.  A bit odd really.  I think it’s just an excuse to get early wedding presents if you ask me.  Hopefully, alcohol is provided, because I couldn’t imagine going to one if there wasn’t.  

I’ve been away from England for too long to know if there is such a thing there, but I’m sure it’s gradually sneaking over.

No, just no!

PRE-WEDDING

UK – The Hen Night

Basically a big 'girl’s night out' which may, or may not, involve loads of alcohol and scantily clad men (aka male strippers).  Also, there may be a pub crawl.  On second thoughts, there will definitely be alcohol.  There will probably be some crying, throwing up and declarations of love to the bride-to-be (and quite possibly to the aforementioned strippers)

Classy English!

USA – The Bachelorette Party

While I’ve never actually been to one, I’ve heard they are quite similar, although pubs aren't really involved.  They get a bit more expensive too as they tend to be at fancy places like wineries (possibly in a limo) and there may also be a whole weekend away.  There also always seems to be a 'theme' and everyone has to dress the same.  The Maid of Honour and bridesmaids have to pay.

Always a bit matchy-matchy

I didn’t have either – although I’m thinking a pub crawl would have been nice, but living in the USA pubs are few and far between and definitely there are not enough to crawl to.

THE CEREMONY

UK

• The groom has his back to the congregation and does not get to watch the bride walk down the aisle, so it's a bit of a surprise when she gets there.
• The bride walks down the aisle before her bridesmaids (otherwise how will someone hold her train?)
• The wedding party (i.e. bridesmaids, etc) sit down with the congregation during the ceremony.

Bridesmaids definitely behind the bride

USA

• The groom faces the congregation so he can watch the bride walk down the aisle and presumably notice if she falls on her face.
• The bride walks down the aisle after the bridesmaids.  (Then who holds the aforementioned train?)
• The wedding party stands for the entire ceremony.

THE RECEPTION

UK

The sit down meal is the main point of the day.  Getting a fancy meal you don’t have to pay for, makes it all worth while.  Not until later, after the speeches are complete and the cake is cut does anyone get up and dance.  I’m wondering if this is, in fact, because nobody wants to make a fool of themselves until they’ve had a couple of glasses of wine?  You know, British reserve and all that.

USA

As soon as the bride and groom enter the dining room, they have to dance.  They don’t even get a chance for a quick swig of champagne.  Everyone has to wait until they’re finished until the meal is served, which tends to be a lot shorter than those in the UK.  Many people actually get up and dance between courses (the cheek of it!).  

THE CAKE

UK

British wedding cakes are traditionally made of fruit cake and are tiered with anything from one tier to pretty much as many as your baker can get to balance.  Three seems to be the magic number though.  Each tier has little pillars holding each layer.  Obviously, butter icing is not a thing.  Nice hard Royal icing holds the shape.  

Very 1970's style

USA

Most American cakes are made of sponge with butter icing (or frosting) and are ‘stacked’ which pretty much means they are just put on top of each other.  Then there’s the awful tradition of feeding each other a piece of cake, which invariably ends up being smooshed into someone’s face.  [see this post here for my views on that malarkey]

Clearly, I am generalizing here and not everyone has a massive wedding, but if you want to go traditional and all out, then you might want to get saving your pennies because wherever you live, it’s going to cost a bob or two.

My wedding was in no way what you would call “traditional” being in Las Vegas, but I did sneak in a little bit of jolly old England.  I changed the wording to the old fashioned Church of England vows which include “love, honour and obey” and you can imagine what reaction I got to that little word. [*smile*].  

I’m just an old fashioned romantic at heart.  

No Wedding Cake for Me!

Is it too late to change the theme of the wedding only one month before the ceremony?

I asked this question to my other half and he mumbled something about “Whatever floats your boat.” I have the distinct impression he doesn’t care one way or another. [*sigh*]

What prompted this?  Well, I was talking to my sister the other day and she asked me about our wedding cake and I told her I wasn’t having one and she was quite shocked.  When I told her why, she understood entirely.  It’s because of this:

Photo by wedding photographer Babs Evangelista.

This is the most godawful, crazy, terrible American tradition which would be right up the Mr’s alley. He would love nothing better than to smash cake into my face, the joker that he is.  Can you imagine how you would feel on the best day of your life with perfect makeup and hair and a (probably quite expensive) wedding dress and then some bugger smashes cake all over you?  Not a pleasant thought and I just don’t understand the American idea that your day is not complete until you have cake in your hair!

Obviously, it got me thinking.  A traditional British wedding cake with fruitcake and Royal icing couldn’t be smooshed onto me (without fear of knocking me out) so maybe…..

A search of the internet did not bring up any English cake makers in Los Angeles, obviously, but I did find a whole heap of British-American themed wedding ideas on Pinterest (Yes, I’ve been sucked into there also) and now I want to change my theme, not that I actually had one, mind you.  I want British-American Save-the-Dates and invitations [oops, too late], a Union Jack wedding dress [definitely too late] and a cake.  The Mr. is just taking it all in, knowing I’m dreaming and rolling his eyes!

But really, how could he not absolutely love one of these??  [*grin*]

Hello... It's Me

It’s been a while since I’ve actually posted a blog… and for anyone who cares – I’m sorry!!

You may have thought I was taking a sabbatical (which is basically a fancy word meaning I couldn’t be arsed to write anything) but that is definitely not the case.  I have, in fact, been terribly busy on other stuff.  Doesn’t that sound intriguing?

Well here goes – I’m only bloody getting married, aren’t I??  Yeah, yeah, we’ve been together for ages - years in fact, but I finally broke him down and he agreed to an actual wedding date.  I’m not really that Machiavellian of course, although he may feel he was duped into it.  [*sorry, babe*]  Let’s just say, the events leading up to it may feel like they had been planned, but truly, they weren’t.

So what have I been doing, you ask?  Well, let’s put it this way – I’ve never had a “proper” wedding before so this is all new to me.  My first disaster wedding was at the local registry office with a six month old baby on my hip and less than ten people there.  My wedding cake was a Black Forest Gateaux (yes, really)… and don’t even ask what I wore!  [I had to borrow money to buy it]  It was not my best day ever…

So discussing this one,  and it being a second marriage for the both of us, we decided we would do the most American thing we could (in my opinion anyway) – we’re getting married in Las Vegas!! Obviously, I have put my foot down and we most definitely will NOT be married by Elvis Presley, nor will it be in a drive-through wedding chapel.  I still have some class, you know. [*smirk*]  So the MGM Grand it is. (See, very classy!)

This is NOT happening

My first mistake (and there have been a few so far) is that I looked up a list of what you’re supposed to do to get ready for a wedding.  I signed up for a wedding planning website - Oh dear, I opened a flippin’ Pandora’s box which I have been trying to escape from for a month now.  There’s a “To Do” list which showed me I had about 100 items overdue.  Overdue?  Really, I only just decided to get married for goodness sake.  Well, apparently, these things are supposed to be planned years in advance.  Oh.

Ah, what the heck, I just ticked off stuff I wouldn’t be doing – you know, arranging travel for the guests and booking/paying for hotel rooms for everyone.  Who even does this?  As if weddings aren’t expensive enough as it is.  Oh, and jeepers, I’ve seen some women on the forums who are spending an absolute fortune and are whining about the smallest possible things.  Really, does it matter if your invitations were printed in an oh-so-slightly darker shade than you wanted?  [Apparently it really, really does].  

Then there’s a guest list creator.. who knew that would be so hard.  It’s Las Vegas so it should be a small wedding right?  Nope.  By the time you remember family and close friends and people you want in the wedding and people you should invite, but don’t really want to but you have to, and then other friends who you wouldn't say were 'close' but would be offended it they weren't invited, it all adds up**. For a little Las Vegas wedding, we are now up to about 50 people.  Not that big in the whole scheme of things, but I feel like I probably should have booked Westminster Abbey at this rate.

Westminster Abbey - I know I could fill it

Then there are “Save the Dates.”  Now I’m not sure if these are a specifically America thing, but I don’t remember ever, in my whole life, having received one in the mail.  But then again, it’s not as if I’m going to weddings every week either.  Although I hadn't really heard of them and seeing as I am now sucked into that wedding web, I decided to send them anyway, obviously.  Of course, being the cheapo I am, I made them myself, which may sound tacky, but I think I made a good job of them, even if I say so myself!  But now I’m confused because everyone who got one thinks it’s the actual invitation *sigh*

I really don’t know what the heck I’m doing…. So stay tuned as there will be a second installment to this wedding caper post.

** For any of my family and friends reading this, you are definitely NOT on either the 'don't want to invite' or  the 'would be offended list'  :-)

Oh Good Grief - It's National Hugging Day!

Today in America it’s National Hugging Day… yes, you did read that right, it’s a day that celebrates hugging. [*shudders*]

I can hear all British expats in the USA right now actually cringing.  This is going to be a day to stay in bed, I think, or at least not venture out of the house just in case you are suddenly accosted by some random stranger who wants to hug you.  [*gulp*]  How absolutely appalling.

This is just Not British!  I don’t understand why there needs to be a whole day of celebration and I’m sure I’m not the only one with that British aversion to hugging.  Why hug when a good old “How do you do?” and perfectly fine handshake will suffice.  But then Americans find us a bit standoffish and rude if we don’t hug.  

It has taken me a long time to get used to the fact that I will be hugged whether I like it or not.  To compound the fact, my fiancé is in a motorcycle club and their culture is to take anyone into an embrace or bear hug to say hello.  For the first few years, I would stand stiffly with my hands at my sides and kind of grimace.  It was a bit like being hugged by an ancient uncle whom you had never met, who kind of smelled like mothballs, and clutched you to his chest a wee bit long for your liking. So very uncomfortable.

I have tended to get over my phobia a little though, I pretty much had to, being around bikers so much.  I was once informed I was a bit of a snooty b*tch, to which my only reply was, “Well, I’m English, that’s how we are.”  [Sorry England]

So true!

So I’m just going to say once and for all “I’m sorry America that I don’t hug as much as you would like, go ahead and have your Hugging Day, but please, please, please do NOT include me!” [and certainly don't try to touch me]

Thank you.

The Advent Adventure

I remember the good old days when the only way you knew it was getting close to Christmas was when the advent calendar came out.  I don’t think my mum was cheap, (sorry mum) but I had the same one every single year and it wasn’t one of those fancy calendars with chocolate.  Oh no, I had the one with a little nativity picture behind every door.

The excitement grew throughout the month as every morning you ran to find the door of the day and open it before school.  I got to know that calendar so well that I pretty much knew what each picture was going to be. But somehow, it didn’t take any of the thrill out of it.   The day of the 24th was always the best because there was a double door! [*squee*]  I already knew there would be a picture of baby Jesus in his manger, but I didn’t care because the next day the big man himself would be here.

This is how I remember it

It really was a brilliant Christmas that first year the calendars came with Cadbury chocolate behind each door. Of course, I was too old by then to have one, but my children benefited nicely.  I’m not sure exactly how healthy it was to have a lump of chocolate before school every day for a month, but it did get them out of bed quicker, I must say.

It all changed when we got to America. It seems like nobody knew what an advent calendar was. My poor kiddies had to wait for some kind relative to send one to us each year, which invariably did not arrive until the middle of December.  This was actually fine by them as they got to eat two weeks worth of chocolate in one day.

It was like an actual Christmas miracle that first year I found an advent calendar here.  I was probably in one of those swanky “European” shops which sometimes sell PG Tips and Christmas Crackers. But there they were, up on the shelf, just glowing and calling out to me.  Of course I had to buy two and those flippin’ things were expensive.  (Now I know why I had the same one every year).

Over the years, they have become more available, but obviously still not as popular as in England. On a recent shopping trip, I noticed that America, apparently, still doesn’t entirely understand the advent calendar concept.  These things are everywhere – can you spot the problem?  You’ve got to put your own “stuff” in each day.  Where’s the excitement about that?  No, just no.  Sorry America, please go back to the drawing board.

I don’t have any children living at home anymore, so really, the Advent Calendar days are behind me…. Or so I thought.  Then I found this little beauty.  It's a Gin calendar... GIN!!  Please, please can someone buy one for me. And no, I don't care that it will be half way through the month.  I'm sure I can handle it.  Thank you. And Happy Christmas!!  [to me]

Gin - Don't mind if I do!!

Oh, and for all those US born peeps who still don't understand what I'm talking about - and I know you're out there because I've asked many of you, this is from Wikipedia:

An Advent calendar is a special calendar used to count or celebrate the days in anticipation of Christmas. Since the date of the first Sunday of Advent varies, falling between November 27 and December 3 inclusive, the Advent calendar usually begins on December 1, although many include the previous few days that are part of the season. The Advent calendar was first used by German Lutherans in the 19th and 20th centuries but is now ubiquitous among adherents of many Christian denominations.

A Letter to England.... I'm Sorry

I’m sorry England.  I’ve tried, I really have, but in the last 20 years of being here I have defended English cuisine until I am blue in the face, but I have to admit there are a lot of English foods I really can’t stand.  I know, I know, you’ve had to live with the terrible assertion by all Americans that English food is bland and well, unpalatable and I’m so sorry, I actually have to agree on some things.

Here’s a list of my terribly unBritishness

Jellied Eels

Oh good grief, I have no idea how anyone decided that these needed to be eaten.  Just the thought of them makes me a bit watery mouthed.  Who was it that first thought “Oh, that wiggly snake like creature in that river should be cut into tiny pieces and boiled in stock and left to cool so it sets into jelly and then eaten with a wooden stick.”  Um, no thank you.

Spotted Dick

Sure, when this was on the menu for school dinners it got a snicker all around.  Only thing is, you had to actually eat the awful stuff.  I don’t care how much [lumpy] custard  it was floated in, the boiled sponge is a thing of my nightmares.  A suet pastry and dried fruit concoction just sounds disgusting. And really, it doesn’t float in the custard, it basically sinks to the bottom because it’s so dense and heavy.

I do have that one friend though, who keeps giving me a tin of it every flippin’ Christmas.

Treacle Pudding

This was another one of those school “treats” that was regularly in rotation on the menu.  Again, and this is probably just me, but it was horrible.  A sticky, stodgy mess, in my opinion.  And treacle, just no.

Mushy Peas

While growing up, I absolutely detested peas with a passion.  I would sit at the table for ages before I could get down because I had to finish those little green horrors.  Eventually, as I grew up, I just basically gave up fighting and ate them.  I can’t say I actually ‘enjoy’ them now, but I do eat them. However, mushy peas are a whole other kettle of fish.  I just don’t understand why you would want to smash them to bits and dollop them on chips.  They used to be a purely “northern” menu item, but last time I was in London, they seem to have taken over.  Everywhere serves them… it’s like that old film The Blob, but now its a great big green blob of peas.  And they try to disguise it by adding mint! I think it’s the fact that marrow peas are used instead of normal peas – they have a whole flavour of their own.

Although, I will say, my other half really, really likes them – not that he’s ever going to eat them in my house.

Black Pudding

I know, it wouldn’t be a ‘real’ full English without lack pudding (or blood sausage as its called in the US), but in my opinion, you can keep it.  Really, how appetizing does pork blood and oatmeal shaped into a sausage sound?   Be honest here.  I have nothing else to say about this, except maybe YUCK!

England, there are other things which I just cannot eat, you know like Scotch eggs, Marmalade and of course Marzipan (why oh why do you have to spoil a perfectly good Christmas cake with a layer of the stuff under that wonderful icing?)  

I’m sorry and I feel like I’ve let you down.  I promise I have not handed in my British card and don’t ever intend to, so please be nice and send me some pork pies.  Everything will be forgotten and I promise I will never speak of my faux pas again.

Thank you

6 Sneaky American Words that have fallen into my vocabulary

Good – instead of nice.  I was once asked by a co-worker why I always said food was 'nice' instead of good. I’d never really thought about it before because everything was either nice or horrible. Somehow it’s stuck in my head and now every time, every flippin' time I think food is lovely I say “Ooh, this is good!”  Grrr…..

Dude - A terrible word, but I will admit that I only ever use it in a derogatory manner, usually while driving. i.e. Dude, move your F*cking arse!  or Dude, you drive like an idiot!  [Yes, terribly British]

Cute -  Yes, I know we use this in England, but usually for a puppy or a baby.  In America, it's for just about everything.  "Oh you look cute" people say... what, do I look like a puppy?  "Oh, what a cute car" they say... when you know they really mean wow, your car is tiny, how do you actually get in it??   But again, this one is stuck in my vocabulary.  I try really hard to use a different word but then there's a pause while I'm thinking, which tends to make it sound like "Oh you look...um...cute?" which really is not a compliment, to be honest.

Son of a Gun - Okay, I will admit I hardly ever say this because it's so awful. (And it's more a phrase than a word).  The reason I put it in is because I actually said it, out loud, today!  I was trying to get a packet of crisps out of the vending machine and they got stuck (*sad face*). Of course, my first thought was an expletive but I realized a boss was in the room so obviously I couldn't say what I wanted and went with "Arghh - Son of a Gun!"  I kind of surprised myself and I'm sure my face was a picture when I realized what I'd actually said!

Ladybug - I’m not sure why it’s called a bug, although I suppose technically it is a bug, but that just sounds like it would be a nasty creepy crawly… Ladybird sounds so much nicer, doesn’t it?  But to be honest, it’s not really a bird either is it?

But Ladybug has come into my vocabulary somehow and without thinking, that’s what I always say, but I mostly correct my self straight away.  And I wouldn’t even dream of singing “Ladybug, Ladybug fly away home..”  It’s just not right!

Soccer - I think this is the word that annoys me the most… Ugh… soccer [Actually pronounced in the US as Saaakkkerrr!!]  Pretty much most of the time, when I use this one, I follow up by saying “You know, real football.”  (*grins*)

Does anyone else have a problem with this?  What words annoy you that you can't help saying? Discuss.....

What's in a Name?

When I was about 16 or 17 I decided that should I ever have children, one would definitely be called Chelsea….. obviously this was because I was (and still am) a massive Chelsea FC fan.  Fast forward a few years and I actually had a child which I did not name Chelsea.  By that time, I had grown up and somewhat matured and realized that to name your child after your favourite football team would have been a mistake. (Not as bad as if I had supported Arsenal or Tottenham, mind you).  I also had the idea back then that I would get married on the pitch at Stamford Bridge before a game.  Young people and their crazy ideas…! [And no, that definitely did not happen either].

I’m just glad I grew up a bit before I got around to naming children.  Obviously, there is quite some thought that goes into the process so you don’t forever saddle your offspring with a name they hate.  There is such stigma surrounding names sometimes that it makes you wonder what parents were thinking.  Back in the 80’s the joke names were Sharon and Tracey - stereotypical loudmouthed girls from Essex with black tights and white high heels.  I would like to take a moment here to thank my mother who in her absolute wisdom actually named me Sharon Tracey… a name which I have never been able to live down since this programme was aired:

BIRDS OF A FEATHER

To this day, I still get embarrassed saying my full name, even though absolutely nobody in American knows the reason.  

But America has their own problems with names.  I’m not talking about celebrities and their weird Apples, Buzzes and Apollos, but your typical suburban stay at home mommies who have nothing better to do than have their hair and nails done and take the littles to the park.  It seems as though they are all trying to one-up each other in crazy names.  Here are a few I’ve heard:

• Duff - I wonder if he was named after the Simpson’s beer
• Cash - Apparently someone likes money
• Aristotle - More money?
• Bear - I suppose it’s better than dog
• Kindle - Do the parents have shares in Amazon, I wonder?
• Zeplin - This name is just a disaster waiting to happen [*joke*]
• Cory/Corky  -  They sound like cats.
• Maverick - Tom Cruise/Top Gun fans?
• Cosy - I’ve got nothing!
• Destiny - Lots of girls have this name.  I think Beyonce has something to do with it.
• Boden - What?
• Hunter - My dad had a dog named Hunter 
• Dublin and Ireland  - I bet the parents think they’re Irish because, you know, everyone does
• Bass - A beer or a guitar?
• Burton - I’m thinking he was named after the actor and not the clothing shop
• Walker - Wonder if he has a brother called Luke and a sister called Sky?
• Jace - Sounds like a lazy version of Jason that the parents couldn't be bothered to spell out.
• Lincoln - After a president?  Or maybe that awful car

I would like to thank Rosie M for some of the names on this list and I just have to mention the conversation she related when she asked a mommie if her daughter Porsche was named after the Shakespearean heroine and the answer was "No, my in-laws have a Porsche dealership"  (Lucky it wasn't Volkswagen really!)  [Oh dear].

Sometimes, these names backfire.  Atticus, for example is a name I've also heard bandied about a few times. But these parents didn't realize what they were doing and have now changed his name.  [*slaps forehead*].

It does seem though that boys have the worse end of the deal where names are concerned.  For the first part of 2015, the top five boys names in the USA are Atticus, Asha, Ezra, Silas and Declan whereas for girls they are Charlotte, Amelia, Olivia, Isla and Ava.  It appears Anglophilia is alive and kicking in the USA as obviously Charlotte is a nod to the new Royal.

So it would seem that my plan to call my child Chelsea wouldn’t have been that bad after all.  In case you were wondering, my first child is named Liam and, oh dear, he was kind of named after a footballer (oops). But his grandparents are, in fact, Irish so I’ve got that going for me.  

If you can name the footballer, there's a prize!!  (*smile*)

The Blackcurrant Conspiracy

I recently read a news report which said Tesco was no longer going to carry Ribena because it had too much sugar.   Whaat?  Well, there’s my childhood memories ruined.  I loved Ribena, and in fact I still do.  Every time I go home I manage to smuggle import the biggest bottle I can in my suitcase. Looks like I will have to do my shopping elsewhere next time.

I admit I have never seen half of these

I was commenting on this to my colleagues and nobody, absolutely nobody, knew what Ribena was, obviously, but what was more surprising was they don’t even know what a blackcurrant is.  Okay, how can you possibly have never heard of a blackcurrant?

Yes, it's a blackcurrant

This got me curious so I googled did some research on why the humble blackcurrant is so illusive in the USA.  Here’s what I found out:

In 1705, Lord Weymouth shipped American ‘white pine’ seedlings to England and as the tree spread across Europe, blister rust disease began affecting them.  Unknown to the Americans who were suffering from depleted forests at that time, they began importing the seedlings back to the USA, which obviously brought the disease here, threatening the US Timber industry.  A fancy plant pathologist was called in who decided the disease did not jump from tree to tree, but instead went from tree to blackcurrant bush to the next tree.   [Talk about going around the houses!]

So they did what any reasonable person would do – they banned the farming and cultivation of blackcurrants, of course, and for over 100 years the poor little blackcurrant has been called the “forbidden fruit.”  No wonder nobody here’s ever heard of them.  

There have been a few states who have overturned the ban, but not enough of them so I can get my flippin' Ribena, unfortunately.  I think I am going to have to go on a one person crusade to get people to understand how brilliant blackcurrant is.  Or, next time I’m in Blighty, maybe I can find a bush and bring it back in my suitcase - "Nope, nothing illegal going on here officer".  I’m sure I could plant it in my garden (although I've never really had green fingers!)

Can I get them in my suitcase?

Now I’ve got myself all discombobulated, I went back to look at other news articles about the Tesco ban and it turns out they’ve actually only stopped selling the little lunchbox versions of the full sugar drink.  They will still be selling the big bottles (for adults) and "no sugar added" versions for kids. This is what happens when I get all my news from reading only the headlines…. ask anyone, I do it all the time!  

But who would have known that the blackcurrant would have been so vilified by America, bless!

English Stadium Etiquette (It's Not the same in the USA)

Last Thursday night, the mister and myself went to the Hollywood Bowl to see the brilliant Ed Sheeran. You have to, after all, support all British people/bands/acts/teams/companies that pass through Hollywood, don't you? [Okay, that's probably going a bit far]. Nevertheless, we crawled out to Los Angeles in rush hour traffic (2.5 hours, thank you very much) and it was really worth it. See....

The Hollywood Bowl is an outdoor venue with tiered seating.  A little bit like a football stadium, if you will.  Which is where it got a bit tricky.

If you've read a lot of this blog, you will know I spent much of my (mis-spent) youth at football games.  You pay a lot of money to get into those games and when you can't see the pitch because someone's standing up in front, a collective shout of "Sit Down" goes up.  Only it's not a polite Sit Down, it's more of a "SIIIIDDDDDDDAAARRRNN" sometimes followed by "You make a better door than a window mate."  Oh those days..

There I was, having stood in line for about 35 minutes for popcorn, of all things, when Mr. Sheeran came onto the stage.  Up went the cheers as I raced back to my seat.  Everyone around was sitting waiting for the first song - except for two bloody girls about three seats in front of us.  Well, of course I automatically shouted "SIIIIDDDDDDDAAARRRNN" and when they didn't, I shouted it again.  The Mister looked at me and mouthed "sit down?" with an incredulous look on his face and the lady next to me tried to hide under her seat and get as far away from me as possible (sorry stranger lady, if you're reading this).

It was so automatic I didn't realize what I'd done for a moment and then it dawned on me.  Oopsie, one is not at a football game, one better sit down and shut up.  [*sheepish grin*]  I didn't think those girls had heard me, but you know what, they didn't stand up again for the rest of the evening. (Score!)

I thought it was the English who were reluctant to show their disapproval and I couldn't believe all these people were sitting looking at other people's bums without saying anything or asking them to move.  Rude!

Here's a bit more of the show

The Sad Story of American Healthcare

About a month ago I had a little motorbike accident (ok, it felt like a pretty big motorbike accident when I hit gravel and went down at 65 mph).  Anyway, I ended up in the Emergency Room with a massive (I thought so) cut on my leg and I had x-rays of my legs and wrist done.  I wasn’t taken by ambulance as it wasn’t really that bad, although it felt so at the time.

Waaa... I broke my bike

And my helmet... [*sad face*]

A couple of days ago I received a bill in the post from the “Emergency Physicians” asking me to pay $800+.  I was a bit surprised at this because I have health insurance and I had given them my information when I was at the hospital.  They weren’t very polite on this bill either, I was told that I must pay the balance by June 18th or the bill “would be deemed delinquent and assigned to a collection agency.”  Bloody hell, I though, I better give them a ring and find out what’s going on.

So today, I rang them and after having being on hold for about 20 minutes, this conversation ensued after I had given them my date of birth, my account number, my home address, my first born….:

     Me:        I don’t understand why I got this bill, I have insurance and I gave the information to the hospital

     Them:   We show this was as a result of a motor vee-hick-al accident

     Me:    Yes, it was

     Them:    We need the information for the other driver’s insurance

     Me:    There wasn’t one, I was on a bike.  

     Them:    So there is no health coverage from a third party?

     Me:     No, but I gave my health insurance card at the hospital

     Them:    Oh yes, we have the information on file, I will process it now.  You can disregard this statement and if you get anything else in the mail, please call us back.

     Me:    Ummm… okay  [actually thinking what the heck?]

My question is, why did they not use my health insurance first?  This is the whole problem with the American healthcare system.  People are so quick to sue each other your insurance company would rather get the money directly from someone else, instead of using your own insurance (which you pay a mighty amount for every month, by the way) and then threaten to send you to collections if you don’t pay the bill, which you shouldn’t have got in the first place because you have health insurance…. It’s an endless bloody circle.  

Shouldn’t they have used my insurance first and, assuming someone else was actually to blame, then attempted to get a refund from them?  Why should I be threatened with collections when I pay a bloody fortune every month in case I need a doctor?

Yes, this makes me mad…

Okay, rant over.

Update:

I have been told they try and get paid by other insurance first because if they use your health insurance, they will have to give a discount, but if someone else pays, they can get their whole extortionate amount.  I'm still mad.

What is a Crumpet?

How do you describe a crumpet?  I’ve been asked what a crumpet is so often and it really is one of those questions I can never answer – a bit like “what does Marmite taste like?”  It’s one of those things you know, but there are no words to adequately describe it.

What do we know about crumpets?  Well, they’re round with a flat bottom and holes on the top.  You eat them with butter and sometimes in our house we would have them with baked beans and scrambled eggs on top - kind of like a toast substitute.  They’re not sweet, but they’re not particularly savoury either.  You can eat them for breakfast and for tea.  Confused? Yes, and so is everybody I try and describe them to.

So I did what any sane person would do – I Googled it.

Wikipedia says:

“English crumpets are generally circular roughly 8 cm (3") in diameter and 2 cm (0.8") thick.

Their shape comes from being restrained in the pan/griddle by a shallow ring. They have a

characteristic flat top with many small pores and a chewy and spongy texture. They may be 

cooked until ready to eat warm from the pan, but are frequently left slightly undercooked so 

that they may be cooled and stored before being eaten freshly toasted. They are often eaten

with a spread of butter or some alternative spread on the top of them, such as jam, honey or

yeast extract.”

So there you go then, or not…  

Crumpet

Not a crumpet

The next question is usually “Oh, so it’s like an English Muffin then?”  Well, no actually.  An English Muffin is not even a thing in England.  They were invented in America around 1880 by a Samuel Thomas (aka Thomas’ English Muffins), a Brit who moved to America and opened a bakery. Maybe that’s where the “English” in English muffin came from.  I had actually never eaten or even heard of an English Muffin until I moved here.

Muffins are kind of bready, and crumpets are certainly not, they are kind of rubbery, if truth be told. A bit more research (umm, googling) led me to this:

• Crumpets are always made with milk, but English muffins are not
• Crumpets are made of batter; English muffins are made from a firm dough.
• Crumpets are made using baking soda; English muffins are made with yeast
• Crumpets are cooked only on one side (presumably when you’re making them, ‘cos I always put them in the toaster and that would mean both sides are cooked); English muffins are toasted on both sides
• Crumpets are served whole; English muffins are split before serving

So there you have it, the definitive definition of crumpets. (*sigh*)

I think I will just start carrying a picture of each one around so I don’t have to explain.  But then I would probably be asked what they tasted like.  I would just say “Bloody marvelous!”

Then I would hope nobody asks what a "nice bit of crumpet" is, because that would open a whole other conversation.

What a Scorcher!

We’ve been told in California that there is a drought this year and we need to conserve water.    There will be fines, they say, if people are seen wasting water and apparently if their neighbours dob them into the authorities (lovely).  

The thing is, we’re told that every bloody year in California.  Ever since I’ve been here, going on 21 years now, there’s been a drought warning.  And every year, the state goes up in flames.  Just last week, there was a fire close to us and this is what we could see from the house:

A bit scary, no?

The next morning, everything was covered in ash, big huge chunks of the stuff.  This is what happened to our swimming pool.  I didn’t really fancy swimming that day.  

That's not fish

It’s one of the hazards of summer in California and you tend to get used to it.   100+ degree weather will do that.

Which reminded me of the famous (infamous) British Drought of 1976.  Anyone remember it??  Of course you do.  It was the most exciting time of my childhood, I think - water pipes and all.

Although we all remember it as the hottest year ever, in fact the 'heatwave' only lasted for three months, June, July and August.  Temperatures averaged 95 degrees to 96.1 degrees with the absolutely hottest day being July 3, 1976 when it reached a staggering 96.6 degrees.   It was deemed the hottest year in 350 years (although who was keeping those records, may I ask?)

Britain went without rain for 45 days in a row, which is a flippin’ miracle.  Forest and heath fires broke out and crops were destroyed.  I don’t actually remember the fires, but I vividly remember how new and exciting it was to queue up for water in buckets, bottles, cups or pretty much anything you could carry.  Water rationing was a big thing.  So were instructions to “Put a brick in your toilet tank” to save water and to “Share your bath.” (Eww)

Water standpipes were a thing

That summer was one of the best ever if you were a child.  I remember the adults were moaning and feeling hot and sticky, while we were pretty much left to our own devices, playing in the garden until all hours of the day.  The longer we were out of the house, the less water we used, I think.  There was no worry of skin cancer back then and we all ran around “as brown as berries.”   

Of course, it all came to a grinding halt and back to reality in the last week of August, ironically, just after a “Minister for Drought” had been appointed.  According to Wikipedia, thunderstorms continued throughout September and October, although, for the life of me, I don’t remember that.  

There have been heatwaves since, but I don’t think anyone remembers those as much as that glorious summer of 1976.  [And now I've made myself seem very, very old]

Back here in California I will continue to live through the yearly droughts, I will not water my grass and I will not wash my car.  I will watch the firestorms and hope they don’t get too close to my house, but in the back of my mind I will always be saying “This drought is not as bad as the one in 1976” 

The Passive Aggressive

Give me my pills...!!

Today I had to pick up a prescription at the pharmacy (chemist) and when I arrived there were already two people in line.  They had obviously been there a while because the pharmacist had a blank look on his face and kept rolling his eyes. 

The problem.... they were chatting.  Not just any old chat, mind you.  This is where I came in...

Mum 1:          ... yes, they keep getting ear infections and nothing helps ...

Mum 2:        [Interrupting] Oh, mine used to get those all the time...

Mum 1:       ... they had to have the surgery, with the tube thingies in their ears, and they were only TWO, both of them had to have the same thing

Mum 2:        Yes, mine had that too.  But luckily at his age he only gets sick about once a year now

["He" was standing right next to her and she was talking as if he wasn't even there]

Mum 1:        Does it get better as they get older?  We only manage to go on date night once a month now and I keep telling my husband it will be better when they get older..

Mum 2:        Well mine's in a travel hockey team and we have to go all over the state, so we don't get date night either

Mum 1:        So it doesn't get any better?  I've got girls, so they won't be into sports hopefully, but they will want to do dancing, so it will be the same thing, I expect.  But we love football, so I wish I had a boy, we will just have to put up with dancing...

Mum 2:         You poor thing....

Blah, blah, blah...


chat or gossip?

About this time, I was feeling somewhat annoyed and obviously did what any true English person would do.... I tutted and sighed.  I also texted the whole conversation to a friend telling her how mad I was.... because, you know .....English....

It went on for at least another couple of minutes, before the pharmacist gave a polite cough to encourage Mum 1 to pay and, well, basically, get out!  (Apparently he has some Brit in him too)

I'm sure this same thing happens in England all the time, but it dawned on me that we just don't ever speak up for want of looking rude.  Heaven forbid that we should make a scene. 

So I did the obvious thing, I came home and ranted on here.  Passive Aggressive at it's best. 

Thank you, rant over.... you can resume your normal business now.