That's a Bit Different - USA v. UK (Part 1)

While I was back in England, I realized there were a few things I had actually forgotten all about or things that I really, really like. Here’s a few:

Ice

Now I know every American tourist complains about the lack of ice in drinks and warm beer, but I had totally forgotten that when you order an alcoholic beverage in a pub, not only is it in a tiny little glass, you only get one or two ice cubes. It threw me for a minute. Then I realized that although my glass was tiny, I still had the same amount of alcohol, minus the half a glass of ice you get everywhere in America. There are two upsides to this: your drink doesn’t get watered down so fast (if at all) and you can actually drink more (*smile*). Although this will tend to cost you more, but hey.

As for going out to dinner, there was never a time when someone just dumped a huge glass of ice water in front of me without even asking. I never drink water with my meals, let alone a frosty one and it annoys me that waiters just assume I want it. What a waste. Anyway, back to my point, when you did have water with your meal, it had no ice and that was really nice (for me anyway).

No Ice Please

Serviettes (or should I say Napkins?)

I don’t think I am a messy eater, but having lived in the good ole USA for 20 years, I’m apparently rather used to the overabundance of serviettes everywhere.  You go for a meal and the waiters are continually bringing you new 'napkins,' go for a burger and you get about ten in your bag.  Even at home, I am now used to using a bit of kitchen roll while I’m eating.  (I don’t think of myself as posh enough to use serviettes – kitchen roll is perfect for the job).
 

You can only have ONE!

So when going out to eat in England, I realized you only get ONE serviette – and not a very big one at that.  You better not order anything messy, because you will regret it later when you have dirty hand prints on your clothes from wiping your hands.  (I find it’s a bit rude to use the table cloth).  Even when eating at home (my sister’s house) I found myself getting a bit of kitchen roll.  I’m not sure what’s happened to me that all of a sudden I am a sloppy eater who needs to wipe her face and hands all throughout a meal.  Nobody else seemed to have a problem.  I think I’ve become brain washed by American-eze.

Toilet Roll

Ahh, what a lovely surprise when I walked into my mum’s bathroom and saw green toilet roll!  Yes, green!  Oh hello coloured loo roll, how I have missed you.  When we went to the supermarket, I even stood in the tissue aisle for a while gazing in wonder at all the lovely colours: peach, blue, green, yellow…..I have become so used to only having boring old white.  What is that all about?  Why does America only use white toilet roll?  I Googled it (obviously) and the only definitive answer was that apparently white was more popular (oh, and apparently the dye might cause irritation or bladder infections to the overly anxious Americans)  Hmm…. okay.  Maybe I should have brought some coloured stuff home with me. 

Although, I did find out that National Toilet Paper Day is on August 26 and there’s something I never knew.

Give me some colour

 To be continued.......

Toilet Humour - A Letter to America

Dear America,

 

Something has been bothering me for a while now.  Why are your toilets so low to the ground?  And why, oh why, is the gap under the door so big?  That gap is huge for heaven's sake!  I’m sure other people using the toilets can see my knees - it’s very unnerving.  I don’t want complete strangers to see all my unmentionables.  [And I won't even mention the gaps around the door]

 

The first restaurant toilet (or restroom) I ever used in the USA was an experience, to say the least.  First of all, it was all fancy and had wallpaper and dimmed lights, very soothing.  Then there were the toilet seat covers.  Wow, a little cover to put on the seat, how very civilized.  

 

But then I went to sit down… Oh, it was so very low.  I fell so fast I firmly hit my bum on the seat and I think my derriere nearly hit the water.  What a shock – I think my feet came off the floor too!  Nobody warned me that the toilets were so low.  Now I see why you have the seat covers – you can’t do the “squat” that we ladies have all perfected in England, you have to sit on a public seat.  Eeeww.  And with your knees up to your chin no less!   

[I tried the squat a few times and trust me, unless you're a gymnast with legs of steel, the toilets are way too low for you to hold that squat long enough to completely empty your bladder] 

You can see my knees!

So obviously, I inevitably went back to England for a visit and totally forgot how high the toilets were over there.  I did the whole thing in reverse and ended up on the seat with a thud and Oh Good Grief… they don’t have seat covers!!!  

 

So thank you, thank you America for making me all germophobic and paranoid.  I’m beginning to feel like I should take a tape measure into the toilet with me so I can measure the height before I sit.

 

Yours faithfully,

TheGobbyBrit

Which way round?

P.S.  Oh, by the way, which way around does the toilet seat cover go?  Does the little flap thingy go in the back or in the front??  After 20 years, I still can’t figure it out.