Wedding Traditions - UK v. USA

I know I’ve been beating this topic to death recently, but I promise this will be the last mention of weddings… no, really, it will.

I recently came across an infographic showing the differences between American and English weddings.  I hadn’t really thought too much about it while planning my own, I just knew what I wanted and, well, went for it.

Starting at the beginning:

The Engagement:

In the United Kingdom, apparently the average length of an engagement is between 16 months and 2 years.  In America, it’s only 13 to 18 months.  Personally, mine was about 6 or 7 years!  We Brits like to make sure we’ve got it right, I think.  

Just after I was engaged, I was constantly asked “So, when’s the big day?” and I didn’t have an answer.  Just because you’re engaged, in my opinion, doesn’t mean you have to rush off down the aisle.  I’ve worked with people who have been engaged and married within a year.  As soon as that ring passed the knuckle, the cash register started ringing and there was no holding back.  

The Cost:

According to a survey by The Wedding Secret, the average cost of a wedding in England is £21,000 [$27,300].  Quite pricey.  In the USA the average is $32,641.

Note:  This is the average price - I've seen quite a few that have cost a whole lot more!

[I would like take this moment to point out to my hubby that he got a bargain and I am rather thrifty, contrary to what he may believe.]

PRE-PRE-WEDDING

Ahh, the fancy named “Bridal Shower” where basically you invite as many people as you can to your house (or some other lush location) and ask them to bring presents.  Usually, its just women who go to these things.  I’ve never been to one myself, but apparently weird games are played which may involve wrapping the bride-to-be in toilet roll to make a wedding dress.  A bit odd really.  I think it’s just an excuse to get early wedding presents if you ask me.  Hopefully, alcohol is provided, because I couldn’t imagine going to one if there wasn’t.  

I’ve been away from England for too long to know if there is such a thing there, but I’m sure it’s gradually sneaking over.

No, just no!

PRE-WEDDING

UK – The Hen Night

Basically a big 'girl’s night out' which may, or may not, involve loads of alcohol and scantily clad men (aka male strippers).  Also, there may be a pub crawl.  On second thoughts, there will definitely be alcohol.  There will probably be some crying, throwing up and declarations of love to the bride-to-be (and quite possibly to the aforementioned strippers)

Classy English!

USA – The Bachelorette Party

While I’ve never actually been to one, I’ve heard they are quite similar, although pubs aren't really involved.  They get a bit more expensive too as they tend to be at fancy places like wineries (possibly in a limo) and there may also be a whole weekend away.  There also always seems to be a 'theme' and everyone has to dress the same.  The Maid of Honour and bridesmaids have to pay.

Always a bit matchy-matchy

I didn’t have either – although I’m thinking a pub crawl would have been nice, but living in the USA pubs are few and far between and definitely there are not enough to crawl to.

THE CEREMONY

UK

• The groom has his back to the congregation and does not get to watch the bride walk down the aisle, so it's a bit of a surprise when she gets there.
• The bride walks down the aisle before her bridesmaids (otherwise how will someone hold her train?)
• The wedding party (i.e. bridesmaids, etc) sit down with the congregation during the ceremony.

Bridesmaids definitely behind the bride

USA

• The groom faces the congregation so he can watch the bride walk down the aisle and presumably notice if she falls on her face.
• The bride walks down the aisle after the bridesmaids.  (Then who holds the aforementioned train?)
• The wedding party stands for the entire ceremony.

THE RECEPTION

UK

The sit down meal is the main point of the day.  Getting a fancy meal you don’t have to pay for, makes it all worth while.  Not until later, after the speeches are complete and the cake is cut does anyone get up and dance.  I’m wondering if this is, in fact, because nobody wants to make a fool of themselves until they’ve had a couple of glasses of wine?  You know, British reserve and all that.

USA

As soon as the bride and groom enter the dining room, they have to dance.  They don’t even get a chance for a quick swig of champagne.  Everyone has to wait until they’re finished until the meal is served, which tends to be a lot shorter than those in the UK.  Many people actually get up and dance between courses (the cheek of it!).  

THE CAKE

UK

British wedding cakes are traditionally made of fruit cake and are tiered with anything from one tier to pretty much as many as your baker can get to balance.  Three seems to be the magic number though.  Each tier has little pillars holding each layer.  Obviously, butter icing is not a thing.  Nice hard Royal icing holds the shape.  

Very 1970's style

USA

Most American cakes are made of sponge with butter icing (or frosting) and are ‘stacked’ which pretty much means they are just put on top of each other.  Then there’s the awful tradition of feeding each other a piece of cake, which invariably ends up being smooshed into someone’s face.  [see this post here for my views on that malarkey]

Clearly, I am generalizing here and not everyone has a massive wedding, but if you want to go traditional and all out, then you might want to get saving your pennies because wherever you live, it’s going to cost a bob or two.

My wedding was in no way what you would call “traditional” being in Las Vegas, but I did sneak in a little bit of jolly old England.  I changed the wording to the old fashioned Church of England vows which include “love, honour and obey” and you can imagine what reaction I got to that little word. [*smile*].  

I’m just an old fashioned romantic at heart.  

No Wedding Cake for Me!

Is it too late to change the theme of the wedding only one month before the ceremony?

I asked this question to my other half and he mumbled something about “Whatever floats your boat.” I have the distinct impression he doesn’t care one way or another. [*sigh*]

What prompted this?  Well, I was talking to my sister the other day and she asked me about our wedding cake and I told her I wasn’t having one and she was quite shocked.  When I told her why, she understood entirely.  It’s because of this:

Photo by wedding photographer Babs Evangelista.

This is the most godawful, crazy, terrible American tradition which would be right up the Mr’s alley. He would love nothing better than to smash cake into my face, the joker that he is.  Can you imagine how you would feel on the best day of your life with perfect makeup and hair and a (probably quite expensive) wedding dress and then some bugger smashes cake all over you?  Not a pleasant thought and I just don’t understand the American idea that your day is not complete until you have cake in your hair!

Obviously, it got me thinking.  A traditional British wedding cake with fruitcake and Royal icing couldn’t be smooshed onto me (without fear of knocking me out) so maybe…..

A search of the internet did not bring up any English cake makers in Los Angeles, obviously, but I did find a whole heap of British-American themed wedding ideas on Pinterest (Yes, I’ve been sucked into there also) and now I want to change my theme, not that I actually had one, mind you.  I want British-American Save-the-Dates and invitations [oops, too late], a Union Jack wedding dress [definitely too late] and a cake.  The Mr. is just taking it all in, knowing I’m dreaming and rolling his eyes!

But really, how could he not absolutely love one of these??  [*grin*]

Hello... It's Me

It’s been a while since I’ve actually posted a blog… and for anyone who cares – I’m sorry!!

You may have thought I was taking a sabbatical (which is basically a fancy word meaning I couldn’t be arsed to write anything) but that is definitely not the case.  I have, in fact, been terribly busy on other stuff.  Doesn’t that sound intriguing?

Well here goes – I’m only bloody getting married, aren’t I??  Yeah, yeah, we’ve been together for ages - years in fact, but I finally broke him down and he agreed to an actual wedding date.  I’m not really that Machiavellian of course, although he may feel he was duped into it.  [*sorry, babe*]  Let’s just say, the events leading up to it may feel like they had been planned, but truly, they weren’t.

So what have I been doing, you ask?  Well, let’s put it this way – I’ve never had a “proper” wedding before so this is all new to me.  My first disaster wedding was at the local registry office with a six month old baby on my hip and less than ten people there.  My wedding cake was a Black Forest Gateaux (yes, really)… and don’t even ask what I wore!  [I had to borrow money to buy it]  It was not my best day ever…

So discussing this one,  and it being a second marriage for the both of us, we decided we would do the most American thing we could (in my opinion anyway) – we’re getting married in Las Vegas!! Obviously, I have put my foot down and we most definitely will NOT be married by Elvis Presley, nor will it be in a drive-through wedding chapel.  I still have some class, you know. [*smirk*]  So the MGM Grand it is. (See, very classy!)

This is NOT happening

My first mistake (and there have been a few so far) is that I looked up a list of what you’re supposed to do to get ready for a wedding.  I signed up for a wedding planning website - Oh dear, I opened a flippin’ Pandora’s box which I have been trying to escape from for a month now.  There’s a “To Do” list which showed me I had about 100 items overdue.  Overdue?  Really, I only just decided to get married for goodness sake.  Well, apparently, these things are supposed to be planned years in advance.  Oh.

Ah, what the heck, I just ticked off stuff I wouldn’t be doing – you know, arranging travel for the guests and booking/paying for hotel rooms for everyone.  Who even does this?  As if weddings aren’t expensive enough as it is.  Oh, and jeepers, I’ve seen some women on the forums who are spending an absolute fortune and are whining about the smallest possible things.  Really, does it matter if your invitations were printed in an oh-so-slightly darker shade than you wanted?  [Apparently it really, really does].  

Then there’s a guest list creator.. who knew that would be so hard.  It’s Las Vegas so it should be a small wedding right?  Nope.  By the time you remember family and close friends and people you want in the wedding and people you should invite, but don’t really want to but you have to, and then other friends who you wouldn't say were 'close' but would be offended it they weren't invited, it all adds up**. For a little Las Vegas wedding, we are now up to about 50 people.  Not that big in the whole scheme of things, but I feel like I probably should have booked Westminster Abbey at this rate.

Westminster Abbey - I know I could fill it

Then there are “Save the Dates.”  Now I’m not sure if these are a specifically America thing, but I don’t remember ever, in my whole life, having received one in the mail.  But then again, it’s not as if I’m going to weddings every week either.  Although I hadn't really heard of them and seeing as I am now sucked into that wedding web, I decided to send them anyway, obviously.  Of course, being the cheapo I am, I made them myself, which may sound tacky, but I think I made a good job of them, even if I say so myself!  But now I’m confused because everyone who got one thinks it’s the actual invitation *sigh*

I really don’t know what the heck I’m doing…. So stay tuned as there will be a second installment to this wedding caper post.

** For any of my family and friends reading this, you are definitely NOT on either the 'don't want to invite' or  the 'would be offended list'  :-)