Oh Dear, I Can't Pronounce That!

We all know word pronunciation is different in American and English (even the word pronunciation is pronounced differently), but there are a few words I know I can't say in the American way. They don’t really bother me anymore, but I have had a few issues over the years.

 

Mom

I cannot, no matter how I try, say this word with an "O" in it. When I try, it sounds like I'm saying "Moorm". I just can't get my mouth around it. [It also makes me have odd looking facial expressions].  I have decided to keep using Mum.

It's the Mawwl

Mall
You wouldn’t think this was a hard one, but apparently "Mall" is said in a particularly American way. I was used to saying Mall as in Pall Mall in London. There's no such thing as a shopping mall in England, they're all shopping centres.  In the US Mall is pronounced with an ‘R" in there somewhere, don’t ask me where, I couldn’t tell you, but it’s something similar to "Marrl." I tend to say Mawwl.

Law
Working in a law office, this sometimes gets a bit frustrating (not for me, but for those I work with). Answering the phone and saying Law Offices comes out as "Lore Roffices."  I have been asked why I pronounce it like that, but I have no answer.  In American speak it is said more like "lahh," but I can't make that sound, no matter how much I try. So Lore Roffices it is.  Try it, I bet if you’re British, you can’t do it either.

Pawn/Porn

Yes, I did just go there.  I cannot make these two words sound different.  I can only say "Porn."  Somehow, Americans can change the two words and have them sound like "Porrrn" and "Pawwwwn." So this is a tricky one. You don’t want to tell someone you were watching "Pawn Stars" on the telly and have them think you were watching actual porn stars! Or that you are going to the porn shop to see what they’ve got (not that I’ve ever been into a ‘pawn’ shop, mind you). [A ‘porn’ shop, however, is another story *blush*].

I think it is physically impossible for a British tongue to make them sound like different words. And I know you are trying it now..

Just old junk in here... nothing else

But what about Americans trying to pronounce English words?

There are obviously the words they always pronounce wrong – Worcestershire [Warrr-Sest-Err-Shy-Err] Sauce being the funniest.  But then there’s the other Shires (not sheers), which they say like something out of Lord of the Rings (Wilt-SHY-ERR, Bedford-SHY-ERR, etc). Not to mention Glass-Cow (Glasgow), Moss-Cow (Moscow) and Edin-Burrrrr/Edin-Bro (Edinburgh) . Tsk, tsk.

Having been watching a lot of sport recently [what World Cup? – no comment] I am sick of hearing OOru-gway and then there was Bosnia-Hertzagavna. Oh, and then there's also "Wimbley" that finest of all English footballing venues!

But the worst one, the one that drives me absolutely batty, and they use this on the news, on the radio, in commentary and even people I work with say it … Wimble-TON. Oh good grief! There's a "D" in that word, not a flippin’ "T." I've even heard it with a sneaky "P" in there... "Wimpleton."

Every year, it drives me crazy all over again. So America, Please, please, please say it right, why can’t you??? Wim-Bul-DON!!

Look... there's a "D" in there!

 

Small Talk - No Thank You!

There are some things that just make me cringe.  The English nature is to avoid standing out in a crowd or bringing attention to yourself, just blend into the backgound.  So when I am chatting away to a friend just minding my own business and someone I don't really know joins the conversation, listens to me speaking for a while and then says "Oh, I love the way you talk, keep talking, don't stop.."   I just instantly clam up.  I can't talk, and I really don't want to.

It happened to me yesterday.  It had been a while and I had totally forgotten just how awkward and squeamish it made me feel.  I cringed inside and went silent.

It's a terribly British thing to want to stay in the background, out of the  limelight and especially when it's a stranger talking to you who, horror of horrors, wants to keep on talking and engage you in conversation.  Questions like "How long have you been here?" and "Wow, you've still got your accent" are the usual openers.  I mumble that I've been here 20 years and yes, I tried to keep my accent.  But they just don't give up... I end up coming across as rude and standoffish, but that can't be helped, I didn't ask for the conversation, for heavens sake!

Don't Americans know that us British don't like small talk and won't do it, unless it's absolutely necessary and unavoidable.  Even then it's only in very exceptional circumstances and invariably the topic is the weather.  Don't make eye contact and whatever you do, don't smile at someone.  Oh good grief, they might think we actually want to start a conversation and that would be horrendous and extremely uncomfortable.

What Does that Mean?

A Close Call

A few weeks after he started school, my son came home with a note that makeup photos would be taken the next week. That’s a bit odd, thought I, why would you have school photographs taken in makeup? Presumably this was a uniquely American thing schools did for a bit of fun. I was imagining him having a painted clown face or some such weird looking get up. He told me he didn’t want to participate and wouldn’t be going to school with any makeup that day.

Well – that was a close shave. It turned out “makeup” day was actually for all those children who had missed having their photos taken a few weeks before. Ahhh… it was a second chance to have get them taken. Bloody hell, I would never have heard the end of it if I had made him go to school with a painted face.

It's the Accent

When she was in First Grade my daughter told us she had to do a kern event report. I had absolutely no idea what that was and it was before the internet, so it wasn’t as if we could Google “Kern Event.” We went round and round trying to figure out what she needed to do. “It’s in the newspaper” she kept crying – “I need to get the kern event from the newspaper!” “Are you sure that’s what they said?” I asked her. “It wasn’t something else?” “No, no a kern event!” Oh, what to do – I was a bit flummoxed, to say the least.

My son walked into the middle of the conversation… “Stupid Girl” he says “It’s a current event .. C-U-R-R-E-N-T.. that's the way they say it” (don’t you just love big brothers?) Well, okay, that made sense, except she wouldn’t believe us. Bless, she was only 6 and didn’t understand the teacher’s accent.

These were a few years back, but it’s funny how that language barrier can catch you out now and again, just when I think I’ve got it handled, I’m thrown into a tizzy by a word I’ve never heard or which is pronounced differently.

A Day in the Life

A real phone conversation:

Me:      Hello, I would like to make an appointment please.

Them:            Have you been here before?
             Yes, a long time ago...
                      Okay, what’s your name...
            Sharon Clark.
                      Shannon Clock?          
            No, Sharon Clark...
                      Shannon… can you spell your last name…
            SHARON… C-L-A-R-K...
                      C-A-L-C-K?
            No, Clark….C-L-A-R-K, Sharon...
                     Okay, Clark.. Shannon?
            No, Sharon, S-H-A-R-O-N...
                      Ok.. what is your date of birth?
            8^th of July 19.. (not giving that away) *smile*
                       September 10, 1953?
            No, July 8^th 19___
                       Oh, let me look in the computer… you said your name was Shannon?
            No… Sharon *sigh*
                       I don’t see you, and you said it’s not September 10, 1953?
            Nope...
                       Hmmm… I don’t see you Shannon, maybe you haven’t been here before, let me put you in as a new patient…..

(*bangs head on desk*)

Arghhh…. How hard is it to understand my accent, I wonder?

I don’t know if she was just really that dumb, or if I was speaking particularly Cockney this morning.  Bloody Nora, some days I just want to drink .. a lot .. really early!!  *Sigh*

 

Charlie Bit Me!

We have Dave's grandchilden staying with us this week (Dave being my fiancé -  I thought I better give him a name, he was feeling  a bit left out) and it's, well, an experience.  *smile*

Our dog is Charlie and he just love, love, loves little children.  Not to eat, of course, but then he is a pitbull type of dog (okay he is a whole pitbull) but he loves to play and tends to get excited and nip at clothes and sometimes gets your skin.  So this morning I hear "Charlie bit me!" and a bit of a sob.  As I run into the kitchen Charlie is sitting looking at me as if to say "What did I do?"  And the little'un says again "Charlie bit me!" Which, of course, reminded me of this video, a classic from England.  I just had to take a look again - it's so lovely and British.  How can you not smile?  This is actually where Charlie got his name.

The thing is, it just doesn't sound quite the same in an American accent!

This is Charlie

10 English Words I Don't Use Anymore

1.         Everso

            This expression somehow fell out of my vocabulary.  I’m not even sure what word I put in it’s place.  I think it might be “really” as in “I’m really hungry”.  It sounds more quaint when you say “I’m everso hungry.”  Maybe that’s why I don’t say it – I needed to blend in.

2.         Fortnight

            Nobody understands when you say you’re going on holiday for a fortnight.  You have to say two weeks.

3.         Holiday

            A holiday is not a holiday as we know it.  A holiday in America is Christmas, July 4^th,  Thanksgiving or any other day you have off work.  A holiday is now a vacation – which is never as long as a fortnight, unfortunately.

4.         Brolly

            During the recent rain storms here in California I told someone I was looking for my brolly.  I got a blank stare until I explained it was my umbrella.  I hadn’t used that word in ages, and I then realized why.

It's my Brolly

5.         Biro

            Ask someone to borrow their Biro and you will get that blank stare (again).  Apparently Biro do not make pens in America.  You need to borrow a pen – nothing fancy, just a pen.  The same thing happens when you ask for Tippex – you need to ask for White Out, which I always thought was a snow storm.

Biro - or is it just a pen?

6.         Anorak

            I don’t use it for a jacket or a trainspotter (and I’m sure there are such things in the USA).  I tried once and it didn’t go over too well.  Rain jacket or parka are used – even though a parka as we know it is nothing like an anorak.

Parka - Not really an anorak

7.         Nan

            When talking about my nan, I don’t call her my nan anymore.  She is now known as my grandma or grandmother – which makes me seem frightfully posh.

8.         Roundabout

            I don’t use this one anymore, because if you do happen to come across one, its called a traffic circle.  I only knew of one locally and that was removed because people kept having accidents as they didn’t know how to use it.  Oopsie.

9.         Rubber

            When I started work, I was surprised to see that all the pencils had rubbers on the end (we just had regular old pencils where I worked in London).  In fact, I actually exclaimed to my new co-workers "Oh, the pencils have rubbers on the end" ... having picked themselves off the floor, they explained my error and told me that it was, in fact, called an eraser and a rubber in America is something totally different!  I quickly removed that word from my vocabulary in the work environment.

           

10.       Motorway

            I have to use freeway now, and suddenly it feels very awkwardly English to say motorway.

 Ten Words I Refuse to Change

1.         Garage – I will not say Gar…arrrge (with a soft g)

2.         Petrol – although I do sometimes slip up and say Gas

3.         Nail Varnish, not Polish

4.         Zebra – I refuse to say Zeeeebra

5.         Zed – not Zeee

6.         Pram – Baby carriage seems a bit archaic

7.         Lead, as in dog lead – Leash just doesn’t sound right

8.         Sellotape – I just can’t get used to calling it Scotch Tape

9.         Indicator – as in American turn signal.  I have been known to shout at people “Use your bloody indicator”

10.       Maths – why is the ‘s’ dropped?  I’ve never understood

What's on the Telly?

Am I wrong, should I be so excited?  They’re making a Paddington Bear film and I can’t wait.  I remember back in the day sitting with my children watching Paddington on the telly every afternoon.  It seems though that most American’s have no idea who he is.  How cruel.

The film is due to be released in England in November.  I wonder if it will reach the USA?

 

 

And this made me wonder how many brilliant children’s tv programmes never made it across the pond.  It seems as if they always travel the other way and we got American shows.  How can I forget Scooby Doo and Little House on the Prairie (we called it crying day because it was always so sad).

My son was a huge Thomas the Tank Engine fan.  He had all the videos and books with cassettes and he knew all the words. (yes, it was a while ago)  Ringo Starr was his friend.  That one did make it over, but it annoys me that everyone calls it Thomas the Train.  But nobody seems to have heard of Thunderbirds and I was so sure it was an American programme.  Didn’t they all have American accents and names?  I had a huge crush on Virgil.  Oh dear my first love was a puppet!

Good grief - look at those eyebrows!
Thunderbirds are Go!

I could watch forever

While flicking through the tv guide recently, I found Charlie and Lola.  Although made for toddlers it made me stop and watch because I just can’t get enough of those English accents.  I never realized before just how wonderful English children sound.  It’s just so… well, cute!  (Arghh, an Americanism)

They say such wonderful things as "I'm really everso not well."  Perfect!

 

Nothing makes me more homesick than listening to English children.

 

Be My Guest

I was recently asked to do a guest blog for http://ukdesperatehousewifeusa.com.  I had contacted Claire to let her know how much I liked her blog and how I had been through the same learning curve - although it seems like ages ago now. 

I'm loving the stories about her son and can remember quite clearly when my son, after his first day in Third Grade, came home and disgustedly informed me he didn't want to go to school here because "They can't even find England on a map"

Oh joy!

Oh, there we are!

Gor Blimey Guv'nor

I’ve been here quite a long time now and I am still managing to keep my English accent – kind of.  According to relatives back home, I sound like a “bloody Yank!” 

During the first few years it was a struggle – especially on the phone.  While working my first job, I’m not sure I should have been the receptionist.  Typical telephone conversations would sound like this:

 

How do you do?

            “Hello, Law Office…”
                        “Hi, Can I get your address”
            “Certainly, It’s  (blah, blah) Road, Suite K”
                        “What”
            “Suite K”
                        “A?”
            “No, K”
                        “What did you say?
            “K, for Kettle”
                        “What?”
            “K.. for Kettle….. Oh never mind, hold on…”

I also try to avoid drive-throughs, ordering over the phone or putting my name on the list in a restaurant.  Something definitely gets lost in the translation.  I stopped giving my name as I would get Sherry, Shary, Sean, Karen … nope – it’s none of those!  So I tried Dave… easy, you would think.  Um.. not so much – now its DIVE… even when I spell it out.   Oh dear…

But it seems everyone in America, no matter who or where, loves the English accent.  Even though there’s quite a lot of them who have absolutely no idea where I come from.  Over the years, I have been asked if I was from “the South,” Texas, Scotland (close, but not really), South Africa, France (wait, what?) and of course…. Australia!  Everybody thinks I’m Australian!  *rolls eyes*

Now don’t get me wrong, I have absolutely nothing against Australia – but it gets really annoying to be mistaken for an Australian all…the…time.

And the worst thing ever (and it happens on an extremely regular basis) – talking to someone and having them mimic your accent in the most god awful Dick van Dyke-ish London accent. 

 

Stop it!  Stop it now!!! Please……