An Unfortunate Innuendo

When my son progressed into a "big boy's" bed, he had this duvet cover, which was handed down to my daughter and subsequently was brought to the US with us.  [Obviously his was blue, not pink].

The dog's name was Snatch and he had a cat friend called Hatch.  Emblazoned across the side and bottom of the cover were the words "Snatch & Company."

I really quickly found out that in America snatch has an entirely different meaning - needless to say, I made sure those covers were not on the bed if my daughter invited friends for a sleepover!

I'm just glad Snatch was the dog and not the cat.... that would have been a whole other kind of unfortunate innuendo.

Did anyone else have these sheets??  

Begging, Borrowing and.... School?

Its around that time again in America when the kidlets go back to school after having done pretty much nothing the whole summer. Bad news for me - I don’t have any children at school anymore, but my journey to work will be lengthened by at least 25 minutes. Parents here don’t walk. It seems like every child, no matter how close to the school they live, will get a lift from their parents who dutifully queue in their cars so their bundles of joy can be dropped exactly in front of the gate. It makes for a long journey to work, especially if you have to pass more than one school. And it doesn’t matter if it’s an infants school or a high school – its all the same!

Every year at this time the shops are just crazy with parents running around trying to get ready for the first day of school. Not only do you have to buy a whole new wardrobe because there are no uniforms unless you pay for your kids to go to a fancy schmancy private school, but you also have to buy school supplies! Now I was under the impression that America was one of the richest countries in the world, but apparently not rich enough to provide schools with what they need.

Not content with having you provide your own paper, pens, pencils, crayons, rulers, folders and sometimes even books, on that first day you get a "wish list" of what the teacher would like the class to bring in which can be anything from tissues to hand sanitizer. I’ve even heard of one school asking for copy paper and printer cartridges, which is a bit bloody cheeky if you ask me.

A bit cheeky?

Then, about a week later the fundraiser packets will start to arrive – sent home as ‘homework.’ Not content with the handouts for the teacher, you now have to raise money for the school, whether by selling magazine subscriptions, cookie dough or wrapping paper. Each child is expected to sell as much as possible. To top it off, they have an assembly where they are told if they sell a certain number of items or dollar amount, there will be prizes involved. Yes, prizes - talk about motivation! Not only that, they bring in the 'prizes' to show off so each child can really see what they’ll be missing out on if they don't sell anything. Mind control at it’s very best! (And yes, there was that one year I had to buy enough items myself so my daughter could become the proud owner of a Razor scooter).

Oh how I miss the English way of fundraising…. The wonderful school fete! Parents donate a tin of spaghetti hoops for the tombola and that’s the end of it. No begging your family to buy some really expensive wrapping paper they will never use or some overpriced piece of junk that looks good in a catalogue, but never works how it’s supposed to. 

But then again, as someone mentioned the other day – there are only thirteen (yes 13) weekends until Christmas…. Better get buying some pressies.

Hold on, I know someone with a kid who’s fundraising!!!! J

Nooo......

That's a Bit Different - USA v. UK (Part 2)

A few more eye openers from while I was back in Blighty.

Sales Tax

I love the fact that in England the price you see is the price you pay for anything.  I remember when I first got to the US I would go shopping and at the cash register, have the exact amount of change in my hand only to be surprised when the tax was added and I had to dig around in my bag for more money.  It's very inconvenient, not to mention a bit bloody annoying.  I like to see what I’m paying straight away, not have to get out the calculator to work out the tax (which tends to be different in every city). 

 

Shopping is supposed to be fun and not include maths (which is not fun - at all).

 

Air Conditioning

 

While we were in England, it just so happened that it was one of the hottest times of the year so far.  My American fiancé kept commenting that it was hot and stuffy in the house and he didn’t understand why nobody had air conditioning.  Well, it just seems a bit expensive and a waste of money to have air conditioning that you will only use maybe once or twice a year, doesn’t it?  
 

Not so in America where every house, car, shop, office, petrol station, restaurant and possibly dog kennel has air conditioning.  You just can’t get away from it.  My main complaint about this though is that it’s always set so flamin’ low, it's absolutely freezing.  I sit at my desk at work with a heater and a thick cardi to keep me warm.  The hotter is it outside, the colder it is inside.  Sometimes I think I can actually see my breath.  And as for going to a restaurant in a t-shirt, you can forget that.  Every flippin’ restaurant has the coldest of cold air and it’s just not very comfortable or easy to eat when you’re wearing a parka and mittens.        

 

This is me at work

Although having travelled on the tube a lot during the time we were there, I must say it would be nice if there was at least a little air conditioning in the trains and I am sure my daughter would agree seeing as she nearly fainted from the heat while we were on a broken down train on the circle line!

 

Tipping

 

Ahh… this is the very best thing about eating out in London.  You don’t have to tip if you don’t want to.  There is no set rule that you must and the waiter will not chase you down the street if you don’t (yes, this has happened to a friend).  To just pay and walk out without feeling guilty that you might not have left enough tip is a wonderful feeling. 

 

I’m not saying I’m a stingy tipper or that I don't tip, but it just irks me a bit when you're expected to leave a tip, no matter what kind of service you get.  My daughter works as a server (which is just a fancy name for a waitress) and I know how hard she works, but she's good at what she does.  Sometimes the waiters are just crap and don’t deserve to be tipped.  One day, I would like to leave a little note saying “Wear a hat when it’s raining!”  That’s the only kind of tip some of them deserve.  
 

Apparently, the English have been there

Shouty Newsreaders

I actually thought I was going deaf the first few days I was back in England.  While watching the news,  I noticed you really had to listen because the news readers spoke in their normal voices.   I’m not saying the ones in the US use Mickey Mouse or Donald Duck voices, but they SHOUT.  Literally, sometimes you have to turn the telly down because they are shouting so loudly.

 

I really do miss the subtlety, Britishness and professionalism of Angela Rippon!

 

Angela Rippon - First ever lady newsreader

Oh Dear, I Can't Pronounce That!

We all know word pronunciation is different in American and English (even the word pronunciation is pronounced differently), but there are a few words I know I can't say in the American way. They don’t really bother me anymore, but I have had a few issues over the years.

 

Mom

I cannot, no matter how I try, say this word with an "O" in it. When I try, it sounds like I'm saying "Moorm". I just can't get my mouth around it. [It also makes me have odd looking facial expressions].  I have decided to keep using Mum.

It's the Mawwl

Mall
You wouldn’t think this was a hard one, but apparently "Mall" is said in a particularly American way. I was used to saying Mall as in Pall Mall in London. There's no such thing as a shopping mall in England, they're all shopping centres.  In the US Mall is pronounced with an ‘R" in there somewhere, don’t ask me where, I couldn’t tell you, but it’s something similar to "Marrl." I tend to say Mawwl.

Law
Working in a law office, this sometimes gets a bit frustrating (not for me, but for those I work with). Answering the phone and saying Law Offices comes out as "Lore Roffices."  I have been asked why I pronounce it like that, but I have no answer.  In American speak it is said more like "lahh," but I can't make that sound, no matter how much I try. So Lore Roffices it is.  Try it, I bet if you’re British, you can’t do it either.

Pawn/Porn

Yes, I did just go there.  I cannot make these two words sound different.  I can only say "Porn."  Somehow, Americans can change the two words and have them sound like "Porrrn" and "Pawwwwn." So this is a tricky one. You don’t want to tell someone you were watching "Pawn Stars" on the telly and have them think you were watching actual porn stars! Or that you are going to the porn shop to see what they’ve got (not that I’ve ever been into a ‘pawn’ shop, mind you). [A ‘porn’ shop, however, is another story *blush*].

I think it is physically impossible for a British tongue to make them sound like different words. And I know you are trying it now..

Just old junk in here... nothing else

But what about Americans trying to pronounce English words?

There are obviously the words they always pronounce wrong – Worcestershire [Warrr-Sest-Err-Shy-Err] Sauce being the funniest.  But then there’s the other Shires (not sheers), which they say like something out of Lord of the Rings (Wilt-SHY-ERR, Bedford-SHY-ERR, etc). Not to mention Glass-Cow (Glasgow), Moss-Cow (Moscow) and Edin-Burrrrr/Edin-Bro (Edinburgh) . Tsk, tsk.

Having been watching a lot of sport recently [what World Cup? – no comment] I am sick of hearing OOru-gway and then there was Bosnia-Hertzagavna. Oh, and then there's also "Wimbley" that finest of all English footballing venues!

But the worst one, the one that drives me absolutely batty, and they use this on the news, on the radio, in commentary and even people I work with say it … Wimble-TON. Oh good grief! There's a "D" in that word, not a flippin’ "T." I've even heard it with a sneaky "P" in there... "Wimpleton."

Every year, it drives me crazy all over again. So America, Please, please, please say it right, why can’t you??? Wim-Bul-DON!!

Look... there's a "D" in there!

 

School Days

Just recently, well about two weeks ago, I was invited to join one of those groups on Facebook called “I Grew Up In and Around [YOUR TOWN HERE]” which seem to be popping up all over Facebook.  Okay, I thought, I’ll give it a go….Well, that was two weeks ago and as you can see by my blog posting lately, it has taken up most all of my waking hours.  Every couple of minutes I’m on there again, checking to see who’s posted and what they’ve been saying.  Looking at the other people posting on there, it’s been taking over their lives too.

The point of my discussion of this “timewasting” is that I’ve actually reconnected with school friends I haven’t seen or heard of in at least 30 years (yes, I’m that bloody old)… It’s amazing how the memories come flooding back and you remember the tiniest little things, with prompting from old friends.  The thing is, there are names on there that seem familiar, but I have no idea who they are.

Which (sort of) made me wish I had grown up in America.   Okay, calm down – I’m not saying I want to be American.  There are just things schools do here that we don’t in England, like:

 Year Books

My daughter's in there - somewhere!!

When my children were in school, they would come home every year, no matter what grade they were in and ask to buy a year book.  I would always tell them “No, you will be seeing those kids next term.”  I did relent when they left Intermediate School to go to High School and they also got one in High School…. The problem was they were at least $120 and from what I could see, all they contained were photographs of activities during the school year and a picture of each child and what class they were in.  Then on the last day of term, they would get ruined by everyone collecting autographs and scribbling notes for each other.  What a waste of money I thought at the time.
 

Prom - An expensive evening

Prom

Yeah, Prom is basically a school disco, but on a much bigger scale including extremely (in my experience) expensive dresses and limos.  But I’ve noticed what it is designed to do is to give the seniors a good send off out into their lives.  Everyone is there and they all get to say goodbye to each other.

Graduation

Graduation is a big deal, even in High School.  Caps and Gowns and of course, a new outfit underneath just so you can walk across the field to get your diploma.  I’m not really sure what the diploma is for, it doesn’t enable you to get a job as you haven’t taken any exams to get it (but that would be a whole other blog discussion).

When I left school we did our exams at the end of term (O levels, A levels and the like) and once they were finished we didn’t go back, or look back – we went out and got a job!  There wasn't any big hoorah or even a goodbye from the school.

High School Reunions

People I work with talk about going to the school reunions.  They seem to be every 10, 20, 25, 30 years – I even know one lady who is planning on attending her 60^th school reunion!  Can you imagine how many people will be at that one?  I’ve often wondered how the planners know where you live.  What a great thing – getting to see all your friends again!

 

But getting back to my original thought.  There are so many names I recognize in that Facebook group that I just wish I had a Year Book so I could put a face to a name.  I still might not know who the heck they are, but at least I could use it to try and jog my memory.

 

And it looks like there might be an actual reunion in the works!  Whoo hoo - now we too can all go and judge our school friends and pretend we are something we aren’t – which I have been told is what really happens at such events. 

I don’t know why anyone would want to judge me though, I just grew up into a tanned, blue eyed, California blonde!!!  J

Agony Aunts

I've just found out there is no such thing as an Agony Aunt in the United States.  Well, there is, but they’re not called agony aunts – they’re called Advice Columnists.

I was talking to a work colleague and mentioned so-and-so was a really good agony aunt.  Again I got the blank look and I could almost see a question mark above her head.  (I think this is becoming a theme). What’s an Agony Aunt? I was asked.  You know, I said, the person you write to in the newspaper and they answer your questions.  “Oh, an advice columnist” she said, “agony aunt  sounds so much nicer.”  And it does.

 

There seems to be a bit of a difference between the questions and type of Aunt/advisor in America too.
 

Marje Proops, Agony Aunt

I grew up reading Dear Deirdre, Marjorie Proops and Claire Rayner.  These women covered questions on sexual topics and various women’s issues which may have been taboo to some.  There was also relationship advice, usually in the theme of “What do I do when my boyfriend wants to tell my husband about us?” or other similar problems.   

In the case of Claire Rayner, while advising teenaged girls in 1972, she was accused of “encouraging masturbation and promiscuity in prepubescent girls.”  Later, she was one of the first people used by advertisers to promote sanitary towels. {Wikipedia.org}

 

 

 American advisors, however, seem to be more directed towards etiquette, manners and social situations and skills by the likes of Ann Landers, Dear Prudence and Dear Abby.  I don’t make a habit of reading these columns, but always see them in the Sunday paper.  There’s even one column with questions like “If I had two cars and one got this many miles to the gallon and I drove to Texas…. etc”  Not really agony aunt stuff at all.

 

So really, I’m glad I grew up in England.  I got all the advice about any personal problems and issues  I needed (real or imagined) from the daily newspaper and magazines and I never, ever had to do the oh so embarrassing thing of actually asking my mum questions.  I’m not sure who would have been the most embarrassed. 

 

And you know, everything you read in those columns is the absolute truth.   And quite obviously, if you have a serious problem, the first thing you should think of doing is write to the newspaper!



Oh Dear...boys will be boys!

 

What Does that Mean?

A Close Call

A few weeks after he started school, my son came home with a note that makeup photos would be taken the next week. That’s a bit odd, thought I, why would you have school photographs taken in makeup? Presumably this was a uniquely American thing schools did for a bit of fun. I was imagining him having a painted clown face or some such weird looking get up. He told me he didn’t want to participate and wouldn’t be going to school with any makeup that day.

Well – that was a close shave. It turned out “makeup” day was actually for all those children who had missed having their photos taken a few weeks before. Ahhh… it was a second chance to have get them taken. Bloody hell, I would never have heard the end of it if I had made him go to school with a painted face.

It's the Accent

When she was in First Grade my daughter told us she had to do a kern event report. I had absolutely no idea what that was and it was before the internet, so it wasn’t as if we could Google “Kern Event.” We went round and round trying to figure out what she needed to do. “It’s in the newspaper” she kept crying – “I need to get the kern event from the newspaper!” “Are you sure that’s what they said?” I asked her. “It wasn’t something else?” “No, no a kern event!” Oh, what to do – I was a bit flummoxed, to say the least.

My son walked into the middle of the conversation… “Stupid Girl” he says “It’s a current event .. C-U-R-R-E-N-T.. that's the way they say it” (don’t you just love big brothers?) Well, okay, that made sense, except she wouldn’t believe us. Bless, she was only 6 and didn’t understand the teacher’s accent.

These were a few years back, but it’s funny how that language barrier can catch you out now and again, just when I think I’ve got it handled, I’m thrown into a tizzy by a word I’ve never heard or which is pronounced differently.

A Little Etiquette Please

I have often wondered why Americans don’t use knives when eating.  Having been brought up to eat properly with a knife in the right hand, fork in the left, it continues to amaze me when I see people trying to actually cut their food with a fork.  Go to any restaurant and you will see it all the time. 

But what’s even more hilarious is watching them when they actually try and use both utensils.  Totally the wrong way round, they might as well be wearing boxing gloves!  The fork is always upside down and the knife, well, don’t even ask what they’re doing with the knife.  It looks a bit dangerous, as if the food is about to shoot off the plate at any minute.  You can watch this for agonizing minutes and then once the “cutting” is over, they go back to eating all their bite size pieces with only a fork, which they have switched back to the other hand.  A bit like cutting food up for your baby.



Right?

Wrong?

I have often sat and watched Dave try and cut a juicy steak with his fork, leaned over and said “You do have a knife you know, wouldn’t that be easier?”  I get “the look.”  Now I’m not saying it’s the wrong way to eat (it is), but it is just so, well, awkward and looks like a a lot of hard work. 

Here’s a short and possibly quite possibly ‘politically incorrect’ lesson in using a knife and fork the Downton Abbey way. 

 

 

I find it very peculiar and funny to watch the Americans, but I will admit I get funny looks when I’m eating Pizza and fried chicken (not at the same meal) with a knife and fork. I am told “That’s what your hands are for.” But it doesn’t feel right to eat with my hands.   That'll be my "stodgy" British upbringing. 

Oh and one more thing, when you’ve finished, America, please put your knife and fork together in middle of the plate. Thank you. That’s all.

 

 

The Two Fingered Salute

Being English I do love a good hand gesture. 

 

Unfortunately most of them don’t translate over the pond.  On a few occasions, I have given other drivers the fist shaking, circled thumb and forefinger sign (known as the ‘tosser’ or ‘wanker’ sign anywhere in Britain).  This rarely gets a reaction from an American driver – they just think you are shaking your fist at them.  I tried to elaborate by sticking my tongue in my cheek at the same time, but that just makes me look strange and feel a bit stupid, if truth be known.

I have now taken to using the middle finger or “flipping the bird” as it’s called.  I have no idea why it’s called the bird – I have done extensive research (i.e. I Googled it) and couldn’t find any answers.  It’s supposed to represent a phallus, so the bird doesn’t make sense to me.  But that gesture is now my go-to hand signal while driving.  Not that I’m driving and flipping people off all the time, but there are moments when you just need to express your opinion or distaste for others' driving habits.

 

People who know I’m English do still get the ‘V’ sign.  It’s so much nicer than that solitary middle finger.  And it has a great history.  Also known as “the two fingered salute,” “The Longbowman Salute,” “The Agincourt Salute,” “the Rods” or a number of other names, it's believed to have originated during the Hundred Years War at the Battle of Agincourt when the longbowmen used the gesture towards the French, showing they still had their bow fingers and could still shoot arrows.  It is said the French would cut those fingers off any captured Brits.   This may not actually be true, but in good English tradition, it sounds brilliant so we’re keeping the story.

Oops Mr. Churchill - wrong way round!

It just feels so nice to shake the good old ‘V’ sign with both hands now and then that I just don’t want to give it up.  So whether anyone understands it or not, I won’t stop!

5 Things that are Backwards in USA

When I moved here, I knew I was going to have to get used to differences.  I knew the USA drove on the wrong side of the road and the money was weird.  But there are some everyday things that make you go huh?

Driving

This was probably the one thing I knew would be so different and I was expecting it to be a challenge.  Backwards driving in a backwards car!  I’ve done a prior post about my driving experiences here. 

Hot/Cold Taps

Who knew this would be different?  The hot tap and the cold tap are switched.   In America, all the hot taps are on the left and cold on the right.  This was something I would have never thought about and I have spent many a wasted hour waiting for hot water to come through the cold tap, only to find out I’m using the wrong one.  It got to the stage that in one bathroom I used an eyeliner to write ‘H’ and ‘C’ on the wall above the taps.  That was a topic of conversation with visitors, I can tell you.

Light Switches

I don’t remember how many times I’ve walked into a room an tried to turn the lights on and nothing happened.  The switches are opposite to those in England – up for on, down for off.  Quite confusing.




English - On

American - Off

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Road Markings

This one continues to boggle me.  Everything is written backwards.  I was told it’s so you could read it at speed, but who reads upside down?  My brain cannot get around reading from the bottom up, so although I don’t have to say the words out loud, my mind still tells me to “Ahead Stop” or that there is a “Lane Bike.”

 

Written Dates

England, apparently, uses what the Americans call “Military” dates.  Where we write the dates with the day-month-year, it is totally backwards here.  I can’t remember how many times I have written my birthday as August 7^th  instead of July 8^th. 

Maybe I should just stick with it, after all it will make me a whole month younger! 
 

10 English Words I Don't Use Anymore

1.         Everso

            This expression somehow fell out of my vocabulary.  I’m not even sure what word I put in it’s place.  I think it might be “really” as in “I’m really hungry”.  It sounds more quaint when you say “I’m everso hungry.”  Maybe that’s why I don’t say it – I needed to blend in.

2.         Fortnight

            Nobody understands when you say you’re going on holiday for a fortnight.  You have to say two weeks.

3.         Holiday

            A holiday is not a holiday as we know it.  A holiday in America is Christmas, July 4^th,  Thanksgiving or any other day you have off work.  A holiday is now a vacation – which is never as long as a fortnight, unfortunately.

4.         Brolly

            During the recent rain storms here in California I told someone I was looking for my brolly.  I got a blank stare until I explained it was my umbrella.  I hadn’t used that word in ages, and I then realized why.

It's my Brolly

5.         Biro

            Ask someone to borrow their Biro and you will get that blank stare (again).  Apparently Biro do not make pens in America.  You need to borrow a pen – nothing fancy, just a pen.  The same thing happens when you ask for Tippex – you need to ask for White Out, which I always thought was a snow storm.

Biro - or is it just a pen?

6.         Anorak

            I don’t use it for a jacket or a trainspotter (and I’m sure there are such things in the USA).  I tried once and it didn’t go over too well.  Rain jacket or parka are used – even though a parka as we know it is nothing like an anorak.

Parka - Not really an anorak

7.         Nan

            When talking about my nan, I don’t call her my nan anymore.  She is now known as my grandma or grandmother – which makes me seem frightfully posh.

8.         Roundabout

            I don’t use this one anymore, because if you do happen to come across one, its called a traffic circle.  I only knew of one locally and that was removed because people kept having accidents as they didn’t know how to use it.  Oopsie.

9.         Rubber

            When I started work, I was surprised to see that all the pencils had rubbers on the end (we just had regular old pencils where I worked in London).  In fact, I actually exclaimed to my new co-workers "Oh, the pencils have rubbers on the end" ... having picked themselves off the floor, they explained my error and told me that it was, in fact, called an eraser and a rubber in America is something totally different!  I quickly removed that word from my vocabulary in the work environment.

           

10.       Motorway

            I have to use freeway now, and suddenly it feels very awkwardly English to say motorway.

 Ten Words I Refuse to Change

1.         Garage – I will not say Gar…arrrge (with a soft g)

2.         Petrol – although I do sometimes slip up and say Gas

3.         Nail Varnish, not Polish

4.         Zebra – I refuse to say Zeeeebra

5.         Zed – not Zeee

6.         Pram – Baby carriage seems a bit archaic

7.         Lead, as in dog lead – Leash just doesn’t sound right

8.         Sellotape – I just can’t get used to calling it Scotch Tape

9.         Indicator – as in American turn signal.  I have been known to shout at people “Use your bloody indicator”

10.       Maths – why is the ‘s’ dropped?  I’ve never understood