What NOT to do in England

Having been in London for a fortnight with my fiancé who has never been to England, it was quite funny watching him try to understand the culture.  After having put up with him laughing at me for quite a few years because of my ‘mistakes,’ it was nice to see the shoe on the other foot, as it were.

These were some of the fantastically outstanding moments of our holiday

The Local Fete

If you happen to go to a perfectly English fete and there just happens to be a group reenacting the Civil War (which is a bit random, if you ask me) and you decide that you really, really need to talk to them because you are American and they are kind of “your people”, do not, I repeat do not shout out “The south will rise again!!!”  This just makes people really quite uncomfortable and take a couple of steps away from you.  People who go to local fetes tend not to know what to do.  The poor reenactment man was a little surprised too…

England - or America??

The Underground

When you have picked up a copy of the free morning newspaper, you do not need to read out loud to your fellow tube travelers the stories that interest you.  Although we appreciate how funny some of them are, it just makes us cringe to be so, well, loud while on the underground.  Yes, the trains are noisy, but do you see anyone else talking?  It just doesn’t happen.  The underground is not a social place – we don’t like to talk to strangers, or even anyone we are traveling with actually.  If we must talk to our friends, it is done in a hushed whisper.  Do not draw attention to yourself, that would be terrible.

Oh and FYI – this also goes for over ground trains too.  You will be quietly "tsk, tsk'd" if you are so bold as to talk loudly (or at all).

Shhh... No talking!

Fast Food

When you are in a fast food restaurant (let’s say Kentucky Fried Chicken, just for the heck of it... not that it was KCF, but it might have been) you should probably not expect the menu to be the same.  Just because you like a certain meal deal in America, doesn’t mean they will have it in England.  You probably shouldn’t get mad because (a) you can’t see what you wanted to order; (b) the person behind the counter has no idea what you're trying to order; (c) you have no idea what the gentleman with the extremely strong Indian accent is saying and (d) your order, when you do get it is wrong.  Just saying..

Walking

Look right, then left, then right again.  Not the other way around.  I don’t know how many times I had to put my arm out to stop someone (my fiancé) from getting himself run over because he was looking the wrong way.  It sometimes even tells you on the floor which way to look for goodness sake!

 

Driving

Don’t keep trying to get in the driver's side of the car, especially if you’re not the driver.  It makes you look a bit silly (and, in fact, I now know what people think when I still try to get in the wrong side of the car in America).  Also, don’t slam your foot on the imaginary brake pedal every time a car comes towards you.  It’s okay, you’re a passenger – the driver’s got it all under control.  *smile*

Now, I know he will read this (he better had) and I want to tell him I love him to bits, but it was just so funny watching all his confusion.  I just can't wait to go back and do it all over again!

Holiday Photos

I've been away on holiday for a couple of weeks, so haven't been able to post for a while.  Not because I didn't have access to a computer or internet, but because I went "home" and there was just too much joy in my life for me to be able to think about anything else.  There were also many, many pork pies, sausage rolls, Marmite flavour Crisps, Mini Cheddars, Flakes and Lucozades to be consumed.  Well, pretty much anything I hadn't seen in the last few years was up for noshing.  I don't think there was anything I didn't eat, to be honest!

 

I'm back now and have been a bit busy the last couple of days.  Not lazy, busy.  I have not got jetlag, no I don't (no really, I don't).  *smile*

 

So because you might have been missing me... here's a few holiday photos.  Did I say I was acting like a tourist while I was there?  Yup - totally touristy and brilliant.  The weather was even lovely and I am not joking about that - it was hot!  (and very, very muggy and sweaty - but who cares, eh?)

 

 

The Shard

Yes, sunny Brighton Beach!

 

 

Quintissential London Phone Box



 

Does it look touristy enough?  I was with my American fiance who's never been to England, so I could endulge in all of the tourist stuff without looking like a muppet!  It was the best time - I just wish I didn't have to come back.  (But here I am)

I'm Not Irish!

March 17. When I lived in England, that date meant nothing to me, I didn't even know anyone who had a birthday on that day. But apparently, it's St. Patrick's day. It's the day where the whole of America believes it's Irish.  You have to wear green, possibly a badge professing you are Irish, that you need to be kissed or pinched or that you need a drink. And of course, everyone eats corned beef and cabbage.

Now, my late mother-in-law was Irish. Very, very Irish. So much so that when I was going to meet her for the first time, I was told I "wouldn't be able to understand a word she says." Very reassuring and a much needed confidence boost!  Anyway, she was extremely Irish and in all my time knowing her, I never once saw her eat or cook corned beef and cabbage. I never saw her drink Guinness either, I didn't actually see her drink anything, but that’s a whole other story.

Corned Beef I remember

Corned Beef and Cabbage??

 

 

 

My point is, I had never heard of corned beef and cabbage, nor seen so much celebration of St. Patrick’s day until I came to America. My definition of corned beef was the meat that came in a funny shaped tin or in little square slices at the meat counter in the supermarket.  And St. Pat’s day was for the Irish to get drunk in the pub.  Us English wouldn’t get involved.  I think it might be different now, but when I lived there it was just another day and there was certainly no cabbage involved!

So what is it with America that they celebrate so much? I can understand those on parts of the east coast celebrating a bit since most of the immigrants from the potato famine settled there and there are huge Irish communities, but really, California, how Irish could you possibly be?  It’s all very confusing to me.  But I think I may be able to force myself to have a Harp or two.

And yes, I'm jealous. Why isn't there an “I wish I was English” day?  Couldn't you once, just once, celebrate St. George's Day (does anyone know when it is?)  Don't you know America, that we helped you settle here and we pretty much created your government.... Oh, never mind, that makes sense then. *smile*

But just so you know, you may celebrate your independence on July 4th, but the English are sneaking back in - one family at a time!

[And by the way, St. George's Day is April 23, although it's usually celebrated on the first Monday after Easter week, which changes most years... confusing?]