Things I do that Amuse and Bemuse Americans

Shaking the Milk

I grew up having the milkman deliver milk, in glass bottles, to the doorstep – sometimes before we even woke up.   And I remember sometimes getting home from work and finding the milk still on the doorstep and almost gone off because it had been sitting in the sun all day (well, kind of – it was England, after all).  But the best bit of the milk, was the thick glob of cream at the top of every bottle.  Which meant you had to shake the bottle to mix it up before you used it.  Even when it was already open, you had to take it out of the fridge and give it a shake before you topped up your tea because the cream always rises, as they say.

This is one of the things I cannot stop doing.  I’ve had many a strange look when I take the humongously massive plastic bottle out of the fridge and shake it up and down before making a cuppa.  Nobody does that here, and its probably due to the fact that the milk isn’t creamy at all.  There’s even a 2% - what does that even mean?  Having tried some of it, I think it’s 2% milk and 98% water.  Oh, and it lasts forever - you can keep in in the fridge for weeks, and it's still okay.  Try that in England and it will probably walk out the fridge on its own.

  

Not Leaving the Tea Bag in the Cup

Not sealed at all

Can anything be worse than trying to drink a cup of tea and having the teabag hitting you in the face with every sip? 

I see my American co-workers drinking tea and leaving the little tag hanging over the edge of the cup all the time and I've been asked why I don't leave my bag in there.  They say it should be left in the cup so your tea gets stronger as you drink it.  This is a bit of a misnomer as American tea never gets strong enough.  

And I have found out, much to my chagrin, that the more you dunk the bag, the more tea leaves fall out and you end up with a leafy mess.  It’s not surprising really, as the bags are only clipped and folded at one end and not sealed like they are in England.  It's just asking for trouble, if you ask me!

Milk in Tea

On the same note, people are often fascinated that I actually do put milk in my tea.  

In every restaurant I’ve ever been in you must ask for “hot” tea otherwise you will end up with iced tea.  You will get hot water, a (weak) teabag, a bottle of honey and some lemon slices.   If you don’t specifically ask for milk (which you have to remember to call “creamer”) that’s all you get.

There’s a small café/restaurant near my house that I’ve been to quite a few times and when I ask for tea there, the waitress says “Oh yes, English tea…. With creamer.”  Well, at least they’re learning! (But then again, have you ever tasted tea with fake creamer... bleh).

Not Liking Cinnamon

Now, I’m not saying I don’t like cinnamon at all, I mean, when I was at school we would make a fruit salad in home economics and put a cinnamon stick in the juice to give it a little flavour… but you would take it out before you poured it all over the fruit.  Subtlety was the key.

Ewww

Not so in America.  There seems to be cinnamon in absolutely bloody everything and it’s not just a pinch here and there, it’s a dessert spoonful, or more!   There are even fast food places that are dedicated to it for goodness sake.  Cinnabon sells only cinnamon rolls and when I walk past in the mall I have to hold my breath.  I don’t understand the fascination with one particular spice, but I’m told that I’m weird because I don’t like it.  I think I should just say I’m deathly allergic to it.

Mom/Mum

My "Mom" face!

I can’t say mom…. Yep, you read that right – I cannot say M.O.M.  (and I know you all just said it to yourselves, didn’t you?)  

It’s not  that I often use the word, I much prefer mum (obviously) but someone asked me the other day to pronounce it and I just couldn’t.  It actually hurts my mouth when you have to try to enunciate the ‘o’ rather than the ‘u’ and then I feel like I’m making a strange contorted kind of face and my tongue aches right at the back.  

Yes, I apparently am weird.

Persil has Arrived in America (and it's driving me nuts)

It always excites me when something from home arrives in American shops.  (Apparently it doesn't take much to get me excited)

Just recently there's been a new advert on the telly for Persil ProClean and it's driving me bloody mad.  Every time I hear it, I cringe and get a little bit mad.  Why, you ask?  Well just take a look at this ....

Did you hear it?  Do you see what I mean?  No, then take another listen.  The way they pronounce Persil as Pu-SEEL drives me nuts.  I know, its only a little thing, but even so.  PER-SIL, it's Per-sil. Arghhh.  (and don't even get me started on the pronunciation of Adidas).

I wish someone at Persil would tell them how to say it, after all they've been making washing powder for over 100 years, so someone there should know, shouldn't they?

I was going to try and find the English version of the advert, but I found this instead and it's just so lovely - 100 Years of Persil, What is a Mum?

Is that little Ron Weasley in the go kart?  I think the skinhead one was one of my favourite adverts growing up.

I honestly don't think the American pronunciation is going to change so I will have to make do muting the telly or just shouting "IT'S PER-SIL!!" at the screen every time I see the advert.

Is there any American pronunciation that get's your blood boiling?  Do tell...

Oh Dear, I Can't Pronounce That!

We all know word pronunciation is different in American and English (even the word pronunciation is pronounced differently), but there are a few words I know I can't say in the American way. They don’t really bother me anymore, but I have had a few issues over the years.

 

Mom

I cannot, no matter how I try, say this word with an "O" in it. When I try, it sounds like I'm saying "Moorm". I just can't get my mouth around it. [It also makes me have odd looking facial expressions].  I have decided to keep using Mum.

It's the Mawwl

Mall
You wouldn’t think this was a hard one, but apparently "Mall" is said in a particularly American way. I was used to saying Mall as in Pall Mall in London. There's no such thing as a shopping mall in England, they're all shopping centres.  In the US Mall is pronounced with an ‘R" in there somewhere, don’t ask me where, I couldn’t tell you, but it’s something similar to "Marrl." I tend to say Mawwl.

Law
Working in a law office, this sometimes gets a bit frustrating (not for me, but for those I work with). Answering the phone and saying Law Offices comes out as "Lore Roffices."  I have been asked why I pronounce it like that, but I have no answer.  In American speak it is said more like "lahh," but I can't make that sound, no matter how much I try. So Lore Roffices it is.  Try it, I bet if you’re British, you can’t do it either.

Pawn/Porn

Yes, I did just go there.  I cannot make these two words sound different.  I can only say "Porn."  Somehow, Americans can change the two words and have them sound like "Porrrn" and "Pawwwwn." So this is a tricky one. You don’t want to tell someone you were watching "Pawn Stars" on the telly and have them think you were watching actual porn stars! Or that you are going to the porn shop to see what they’ve got (not that I’ve ever been into a ‘pawn’ shop, mind you). [A ‘porn’ shop, however, is another story *blush*].

I think it is physically impossible for a British tongue to make them sound like different words. And I know you are trying it now..

Just old junk in here... nothing else

But what about Americans trying to pronounce English words?

There are obviously the words they always pronounce wrong – Worcestershire [Warrr-Sest-Err-Shy-Err] Sauce being the funniest.  But then there’s the other Shires (not sheers), which they say like something out of Lord of the Rings (Wilt-SHY-ERR, Bedford-SHY-ERR, etc). Not to mention Glass-Cow (Glasgow), Moss-Cow (Moscow) and Edin-Burrrrr/Edin-Bro (Edinburgh) . Tsk, tsk.

Having been watching a lot of sport recently [what World Cup? – no comment] I am sick of hearing OOru-gway and then there was Bosnia-Hertzagavna. Oh, and then there's also "Wimbley" that finest of all English footballing venues!

But the worst one, the one that drives me absolutely batty, and they use this on the news, on the radio, in commentary and even people I work with say it … Wimble-TON. Oh good grief! There's a "D" in that word, not a flippin’ "T." I've even heard it with a sneaky "P" in there... "Wimpleton."

Every year, it drives me crazy all over again. So America, Please, please, please say it right, why can’t you??? Wim-Bul-DON!!

Look... there's a "D" in there!