Gun Culture - It's Not for Me.

Yikes!

“Can you bring my gun down from upstairs” Dave asked me the other day.  That was a question I would have never thought I would hear in my life.  But this is America where everybody has guns, everybody.

I stood there, looking at the thing, trying to figure out how to hold it.  I wasn’t sure which end I should grab.  Should I hold it on the end the bullets come out of, or should I hold it by the handle?  What happened if I held it too tightly and accidentally pulled the trigger and inadvertently blew my foot off?  But then, I didn’t want to hold it so lightly in case I dropped it - and inadvertently blew my foot off.  What a dilemma.

I opted for the handle end, between my thumb and forefinger, just kind of hanging there, held out in front of me.  In hindsight, this was probably the most likely way for me to blow a hole in myself.  Dave stood, open mouthed, as I came down the stairs.  “It won’t kill you” he said.  Well, actually,  I think it probably would, to tell you the truth!!!

It was a very creepy kind of feeling to actually hold a gun.  Bloody Hell, nobody in England has guns, not even the Police.  They have to make do with a truncheon a.k.a. a big stick and a whistle.  Okay, maybe the whistle is a thing of the past, but you get it.  I think some police might be carrying guns now, but the normal person on the street really doesn’t have a need to have one.  Unless you are a Kray twin, obviously.  But then, they weren't exactly what you would call 'normal.'

 

The infamous Kray twins

Great White Hunter

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But America seems to be the land of the brave, the land of the Great White Hunter where it is positively frowned upon or you’re a thought to be a tad odd if you don’t have a gun.  I’m not going to get into the politics of the gun debate, but I will just say that I think I will refrain from getting myself a gun, unless I happen to find myself somewhere in the Serengeti chasing a lion, and then perhaps I might borrow one (or just let someone else do the shooting).

 

Until then, I will make do with my whistle.

This will work.. right??

Small Talk - No Thank You!

There are some things that just make me cringe.  The English nature is to avoid standing out in a crowd or bringing attention to yourself, just blend into the backgound.  So when I am chatting away to a friend just minding my own business and someone I don't really know joins the conversation, listens to me speaking for a while and then says "Oh, I love the way you talk, keep talking, don't stop.."   I just instantly clam up.  I can't talk, and I really don't want to.

It happened to me yesterday.  It had been a while and I had totally forgotten just how awkward and squeamish it made me feel.  I cringed inside and went silent.

It's a terribly British thing to want to stay in the background, out of the  limelight and especially when it's a stranger talking to you who, horror of horrors, wants to keep on talking and engage you in conversation.  Questions like "How long have you been here?" and "Wow, you've still got your accent" are the usual openers.  I mumble that I've been here 20 years and yes, I tried to keep my accent.  But they just don't give up... I end up coming across as rude and standoffish, but that can't be helped, I didn't ask for the conversation, for heavens sake!

Don't Americans know that us British don't like small talk and won't do it, unless it's absolutely necessary and unavoidable.  Even then it's only in very exceptional circumstances and invariably the topic is the weather.  Don't make eye contact and whatever you do, don't smile at someone.  Oh good grief, they might think we actually want to start a conversation and that would be horrendous and extremely uncomfortable.