Medieval Madness

I did something this weekend that I had vowed never, ever to do, ever again…. I went to a Renaissance Faire.  Although to be fair (hah), this was a little local fair(e) and not the super dooper, massively entertaining (read "commercial") event that is the Southern California Renaissance Festival which is held every year.

NOTE:  I bet you are reading that as Ren-ay-sance, but this is Americaland where it's pronounced Ren-er-sonse and Medi-eval is pronounced Mud-evil. I know, weird and a bit annoying.

I’ve often wondered why these are even a thing.  I mean, England lived through the Renaissance and if they don’t feel the need to celebrate, so why then, does America think they need to.  It boggles the mind… The Renaissance was a cultural movement all about a new beginning with views on philosophy, science, literature, politics, music and religion becoming more diverse and was “a bridge between the Middle Ages and Modern History” [That is your history lesson for today].  It most certainly wasn’t a commercial venture where you go to get drunk, eat massive turkey legs and dress in olden days clothes.

The main reason we ventured there this weekend was the weather.  The temperature at our house was around one billion degrees and this Faire was in the Big Bear mountains which, we hoped, would be slightly cooler than Hades.  

Ahhh... the coolness of the mountains

So with no further ado, I present for thy consideration some of the costumes (did you see what I did there?)

The Braveheart

Now don't get me wrong, he's looking a bit Scottish, what with his kilt and all, and when he turned around he did, in fact, have one side of his face painted blue, but what's up with those dreadlocks?   This was the worst impression of Mel Gibson I've seen in quite a while.

The Chinese/Oriental Belly Dancers

I have absolutely no idea what's happening here.  I don't know when belly dancers were part of the Renaissance, or any English history for that matter.  But at least they've got nice umbrellas.

                          

Little Red Riding Hood

And her friend.  I have no idea....

Pirates/Wenches and Um... Captain Jack Sparrow

I know people just like to dress up (apparently), but this is the Renaissance people, the Renaissance. I don't think Captain Jack was around, or any other pirate if truth be told.

                     

Fairies and Dragons

Although absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with any kind of Renaissance, there were fairies [or faeries as they tended to spell it] and dragons.  I think some people were confused with Dungeons and Dragons. Oopsie.  Although, in all honesty, the 'fairy' with the bubbles was quite entertaining and the dragon was animated and a bit fun.

Whatever This is...

Ummm... isn't this a Roman Centurian?  I think the costume was not chosen for its authenticity, but rather to display the steroids, fake tan and veiny muscles.(eew)  And you've just got to love the cowboy on his motorized chair.

Ahh… and the food, of course.  Nothing particularly English, but I opted for a “pig on a stick” which for only $5.00 I assumed was going to be an awful hotdog on a stick, but I was actually pleasantly surprised when I got a huge pork chop in sauce.  In fact, I was so surprised I forgot to take a photo – just trust me though, it was very nice.  The people at The Boars Head Feaste were also very nice. Spot the extra “e”, which makes everything old-English-y.  So does “Ye” before everything, even ice, apparently.

It's oldey woldey

All in all it was quite a nice day actually.  Probably because it was such a small fair(e) and there was none of that awkwardness of people talking to you in what they assume is old time Medieval language and accents (thank goodness) because the one thing that’s even worse than having an American try to do an English accent, is an American trying to do a Medieval English accent.

What a Scorcher!

We’ve been told in California that there is a drought this year and we need to conserve water.    There will be fines, they say, if people are seen wasting water and apparently if their neighbours dob them into the authorities (lovely).  

The thing is, we’re told that every bloody year in California.  Ever since I’ve been here, going on 21 years now, there’s been a drought warning.  And every year, the state goes up in flames.  Just last week, there was a fire close to us and this is what we could see from the house:

A bit scary, no?

The next morning, everything was covered in ash, big huge chunks of the stuff.  This is what happened to our swimming pool.  I didn’t really fancy swimming that day.  

That's not fish

It’s one of the hazards of summer in California and you tend to get used to it.   100+ degree weather will do that.

Which reminded me of the famous (infamous) British Drought of 1976.  Anyone remember it??  Of course you do.  It was the most exciting time of my childhood, I think - water pipes and all.

Although we all remember it as the hottest year ever, in fact the 'heatwave' only lasted for three months, June, July and August.  Temperatures averaged 95 degrees to 96.1 degrees with the absolutely hottest day being July 3, 1976 when it reached a staggering 96.6 degrees.   It was deemed the hottest year in 350 years (although who was keeping those records, may I ask?)

Britain went without rain for 45 days in a row, which is a flippin’ miracle.  Forest and heath fires broke out and crops were destroyed.  I don’t actually remember the fires, but I vividly remember how new and exciting it was to queue up for water in buckets, bottles, cups or pretty much anything you could carry.  Water rationing was a big thing.  So were instructions to “Put a brick in your toilet tank” to save water and to “Share your bath.” (Eww)

Water standpipes were a thing

That summer was one of the best ever if you were a child.  I remember the adults were moaning and feeling hot and sticky, while we were pretty much left to our own devices, playing in the garden until all hours of the day.  The longer we were out of the house, the less water we used, I think.  There was no worry of skin cancer back then and we all ran around “as brown as berries.”   

Of course, it all came to a grinding halt and back to reality in the last week of August, ironically, just after a “Minister for Drought” had been appointed.  According to Wikipedia, thunderstorms continued throughout September and October, although, for the life of me, I don’t remember that.  

There have been heatwaves since, but I don’t think anyone remembers those as much as that glorious summer of 1976.  [And now I've made myself seem very, very old]

Back here in California I will continue to live through the yearly droughts, I will not water my grass and I will not wash my car.  I will watch the firestorms and hope they don’t get too close to my house, but in the back of my mind I will always be saying “This drought is not as bad as the one in 1976” 

It's Not a Hurricane!

I've recently been reading about hurricane Gonzalo which apparently is about to batter the United Kingdom with 70-80mph winds.  It looks like this time people have had a proper warning about what's coming, although the weather maps pretty much look like a normal British summer

This looks normal for this time of year

Which brought me to thinking about that infamous 'hurricane' of 1987.  One of the most famous bloopers ever, if you ask me.  I'm not sure Michael Fish has lived it down to this day.  "There's not a hurricane coming..."  Famous last words and all that.

                     

October 15, 1987 it was.  I saw the weather forecast that night and obviously didn't think anything about it at all.  Since when does England have hurricanes and anyway, we lived in London.  Not much can go wrong there, surely.  Off to bed we went and at some time in the night I was woken up by empty coke cans bouncing down the street.  I didn't bother to get up to see what it was, I just thought it was a bit windy and someone had left an empty can in the road.  How rude!

The next morning rolled around and I wandered into the kitchen to make a cuppa and looked out into the garden.  Well, that was a surprise, I wasn't only looking into the garden, but across the road and down the street too.  My fence was completely gone.  Neighbours were wandering around as if in a daze and I walked out my front door to see the road completely littered with broken roof tiles.  (It apparently wasn't Coke cans I had heard, but roof tiles hitting the floor).  Surprisingly, and much to my relief, not a single tile had landed on our car and how that happened I will never know.  The weirdest thing and something I remember to this day was our big, burley builder neighbour from across the road asking us if we had "lost a bunny" as he was cradling a little white fluffy bundle in his arms - bless.  I never did find out who that rabbit belonged to, or if he had kept it himself - he did seem to be quite taken with it though!

We were actually quite lucky with only having a bit of damage.  Not so, for many other people.  19 died and it was classed as the worst ever storm to hit the south east of England for 300 years. 

They used to be caravans

And poor Michael Fish?  Well, he's still going strong and still works for the Met office.  In later years, he says there was never actually a "woman" who rang the station, but it will still go down in history as a big Ooopsie!  

And there is now a "Michael effect" in weatherman circles whereby British weathermen are now inclined to predict "a worst-case scenario in order to avoid being caught out" [Wikipedia]

Nice Weather for Ducks

Rain… it’s piddling down, it’s raining cats and dogs, it’s drizzling, pouring, bucketing down, pissing down, spitting… I think us English have about the same amount of words for rain as Eskimos have for snow.  But then we are used to the rain, it’s a way of life for us.  It could be lovely when you leave home, but you better take your brolly as it could tip down any minute.  Arrange a BBQ?  Better make alternative plans – just in case.

So when it comes to rain anywhere else, it’s quite funny to see the reaction, especially in sunny southern California.  Oh dear – it’s a disaster – Storm Watch 2014!!

I’m driving on the freeway, well not actually driving, just basically sitting because it’s raining.  No, not pouring, not piddling, not even spitting, it’s just a little bit of hazy, drizzling rain and the freeway has ground to a halt!  I know California is the land of never ending sunshine, but really.  The tiniest little drop of rain and every head automatically goes up a bum.  There are two classes of people – the “Oh no, I must drive really, really slowly in case I have an accident” and then there’s the “Oh, I better drive really, really fast because I’m a California speed racer and I know how to drive in the rain.”  WRONG!  And accidents abound.

Tsk, tsk California.  I would really like to see how all these people would cope having to stand at a bus stop for 30 minutes in the rain, getting soaked to the skin.  We do it, we have to and we all complain about the weather, we are English after all – it’s a national pastime.  But of course we do have that stiff upper lip which prevents us from being too outspoken.  We just mumble “bloody weather” and get on with it.

But I do have one question.  When did rain change it’s name?  Why is it that every weather forecaster now calls rain “precipitation?”  “There’s a bit of precipitation coming in the next few days…”  Is it supposed to make us feel better, give us a sense of security that actually, you don’t have to be an idiot on the freeway because it’s precipitation and not the dreaded R word…. R-A-I-N!

Where I come from, rain is rain!  No fancy names, just Rain!