The Military Diet Experiment

In a couple of months, we're going on a cruise and as you do, I looked in the mirror the other day and thought “Blimey, I need to go on a diet!”  I’m not sure I actually do, but I feel and look heavier than I feel comfortable with.  Probably because of married bliss and eating a lot of chocolate, to be honest.

Anyway, I decided I needed to do something that wasn’t Weight Watchers because quite honestly, I don’t want to pay to diet.  It’s bad enough starving yourself, let alone paying for the privilege.

After doing my research (i.e. scrolling through Facebook) one diet in particular caught my eye – The Three Day Military Diet.  Sounds a bit strict, although the gossip was that you could would lose 10 pounds in three days!  Sign me up….. Okay, I actually didn’t have to sign up because its something you do on your own, although there is a menu you have to stick to religiously, or militarily if you prefer. Three days?  How easy is that, I thought.  No problem, I can do three days….

You don't have to wear the uniform, by the way

DAY ONE

Breakfast

You’re not supposed to substitute anything unless it’s on their list, but I only decided to do this after I'd eaten breakfast and I'd already had a glass of orange juice and some toast, so I skipped the grapefruit and had a cup of tea and a spoonful of hummus instead.  Let me just say right here, hummus on its own is bloody awful.  I had substituted it for peanut butter because, well, eww..  

Lunch

This wasn’t bad.  A nice cuppa and some tuna on toast.  Although, the tuna would have been better with a dollop of dressing because it was as dry as the Serengeti in a heatwave.  Thank goodness for the tea.

Dinner

I could get used to this as it seems like a lot of food.  I had chicken with the green beans and then enjoyed the ice cream with the fruit.  I was a bit stuffed actually.

DAY TWO

Breakfast

Uh oh, the portions are getting smaller.  But when I’m at work I don’t usually eat breakfast so having a boiled egg on toast was a bit of a luxury really.  It kept me full until lunch anyway.

Lunch

Bloody hell, another hard boiled egg.  I’m sure my co-workers loved me that day.  [I never did admit it was my stinky eggs smelling up the kitchen] I substituted Greek yoghurt instead of cottage cheese. [what, even, the hell is that stuff??]  The five tiny saltine crackers went well with the egg though.  I actually couldn’t eat all of the yoghurt, maybe because it was sitting in my stomach like, well I don’t know what it was like, I’ve never eaten that much Greek yoghurt in my life and a cup is a LOT.

Dinner

This one looks small, but it wasn’t actually bad.  I cut everything up into slices and had as much broccoli and carrots as I could fit into a cup (not much, by the way).  The hotdogs gave some flavour. And then there was at least ice cream for pudding.

DAY THREE

Yes, actually, that is a wine stain on my menu

Breakfast
Again, this was a bit of a treat having breakfast.  But then again, maybe I was just starving by then.

Lunch
Yes, another hard boiled egg, but this time only with a dry slice of toast.  Yummy (sarcasm added)

A quick aside here:

I had been weighing myself daily – yes for all of two days – and the weight was falling off.  Okay, I lied, after starving myself for two day I had lost 2 pounds.  Yes, you did read that right, TWO WHOLE BLOODY POUNDS!!  

Dinner

Soooo, I may have cheated a little bit because, well, who can live on half a tin of dry tuna, half a banana and a bit of ice cream.  So I made myself some Thai curry with rice and papadums and a huge glass of wine.  (I know papadums  don’t go with Thai food, don’t judge me I was starving, okay). I may also have had a packet of crisps, a hotdog bun and possibly some chocolate, not necessarily in that order.

I went to bed that night fuller than I had in three days and when I woke up the next morning, I was really surprised not to find 8 pounds of fat in the bed next to me because according to this diet plan you will lose 10 pounds.  I jumped onto the scale and yes I had still only lost 2 pounds.  Actually, I hadn’t lost anything because I put it all back on in that one meal the night before. [*sigh*]

So the moral of this story is that unless you constantly eat and gain weight every day, don’t do the Military Diet, it does not flamin’ work.  I followed it to a “T” and all I got was starving hungry.

I just suffered for three two and a half days and lost about the same amount as if I’d just had a big pooh!!

A Crisp Sandwich - Yes Please!

Crisp Sandwich Shop Sells Out in TWO Hours

So the crisp sandwich restaurant which opened Monday was a complete sell out in the first two hours.

Is it only me, or is anyone else not surprised by this?

In my opinion, crisp sarnies are the very best thing since, well sliced bread.  Thank goodness for John Montague, the 4th Earl of Sandwich (13 Nov. 1718 - 30 Apr. 1792) for his most fabulous invention way back in the 1700’s [Wikipedia].

Growing up, it didn’t matter what we had for tea, if there was bread you made yourself a sandwich from the bit of food you had left especially.  I think this was a requirement of British childhood.  It was the only thing to do whether you were eating fish fingers, chips and peas (a favourite in our house), egg and chips or even spaghetti Bolognese (when it was a fancy day) – they all went in between two slices of bread and butter.  Mashed potato and gravy was also a favourite of mine and who, tell me, has never had a chip butty?

But the crisp sandwich has got to be up there in the top ten.  Here’s mine (but not necessarily in top ten order)

Ham and Marmite – Back in the day, I used to sell programmes on a Saturday at Chelsea Football Club and had to be there early so wouldn’t get time for lunch.  Every week, without fail, I would pack myself a ham and Marmite and a mini pork pie.  Whenever I eat one now (minus the pork pie, of course as I can’t get them here) it takes me right back to Victoria Tube Station – ‘cos I could never wait until lunch time.

Needs a bit of ham (and a pork pie)

Fried Egg – My aunt was famous for her doorstep fried egg sandwiches.  I used to love going to see her as she would always ask if we wanted one.  Very, very thick freshly sliced bread and a lovely runny egg yolk.

Doorstep Fish Fingers - but imagine it with a runny egg!!

Chips – The ubiquitous chip butty.  Slathered with tomato sauce and lashings of vinegar.  Made even better if you have some fried egg to dip it in.

Crisps -  If you need a snack which is a little more than a bag of crisps, out comes the bread.  It doesn’t really matter what flavor, but ready salted and cheese and onion are my go-to’s.

Sausages – More than likely this would be for breakfast, with loads of tomato sauce.  Yum!  (Wish I could get some Wall’s Prime Porkie Workies here)

Bacon – Again for breakfast.  The only problem living in America is that the bacon is bloody awful. When it’s cooked right, it’s hard and crispy – basically overcook streaky bacon.  Not too good for a sandwich, if you ask me.  Although tomato sauce does a lot to disguise this fact.

Piccalilli on Toast – Although not a sandwich, I love this.  I first got the idea years ago when a cousin of mine was pregnant and this was one of her cravings.  I don’t know about her, but I’ve been eating it ever since.  The same goes for tomato sauce on toast.  Yum!

Possibly a bit too much Piccalilli

Paté and Pickled Onions – This is also something I liked to eat on toast.  I remember I would come home from school and be starving and as my mum was usually still at work, secretly I had the run of the fridge and larder.  I had to be careful what I would eat so I wasn’t found out. One day, this combination just happened and it was the most wonderful thing ever.  It’s funny how we always had paté in the fridge, you hardly ever see it here.  Oh and I hope my mum’s not reading this and has just found out what happened to all the pickled onions.

Needs pickled onions

Cheese and Tomato – I’m not really a cheese kind of person, but there is one time that really sticks out in my memory.  We were at the seaside and we went to a small café to have a cuppa and a sandwich.  My mum chose cheese and tomato and that particular sandwich had been sitting wrapped in clingfilm for quite a while.  The tomato was warm and had bled into the cheese, which was slightly soggy and the whole thing had a mild plasticky taste – and it was wonderful.  Needless to say, this is the only way I will each cheese sandwiches now.  My sandwich has to be left out for a while to get to room temperature..  In fact, if I’m having one, I will always make it ahead of time so it’s warmed up a bit. I know, it sounds absolutely terrible, but I’m a bit weird, I think.  *Smiles*

Now my taste buds are tingling and my mouth is watering looking at all these lovely sandwiches - and there’s nothing I wouldn’t do right now for a pork pie!  Oh how I miss those gorgeous little packets of meaty goodness!

What’s your favourite sandwich and how weird do you get?

A Full English?

So I posted this photo on Facebook yesterday because I was so pleased to have found 'almost' English bacon and I got some of the weirdest comments from American friends.

Mmm.. look at those lovely eggs and is that British bacon?

One of those comments was "'Beans and eggs together? that's an interesting combo. It's not something I would have thought of" ... and I was actually really confused and I don't get it. Why wouldn't you have beans and eggs? Is there something terrible about having baked beans and eggs together? I don't understand the need to have even thought about it - it's just natural.   Go ahead, if you’re English and reading this – what would you have thought of that question?  I bet you’ve never questioned it either.

 

A full English breakfast is eggs, bacon, sausage, mushroom, tomato and fried slice, with some variations depending on what you have in the fridge at that time. I don't like fried tomatoes, so beans are my thing.

 

Another comment (from a Brit, of course) was "Peanut butter and jam – that's a weird combination!" And I agree!  Oh, and putting pancakes and syrup on the same plate as your eggs and bacon - now that's very weird!  And being expected to use the same knife and fork for it, ugh.  Sweet and savoury should not be mixed on the same plate.

 

I’m sure we just grow up and get used to what we are given to eat, but who decided that breakfast needed a pudding?  Why does bacon and eggs always come with pancakes?

 

Then came the questions from the Brits –

• where’s the sausages and black pudding?
• where’s the mushrooms?
• where’s the fried tomatoes?
• where’s the HP sauce?
• where’s the fried bread?

Come on now – I’ve been here 20 years and only just found something that could be called “English” bacon.  Give me a chance already!  J